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This was posted on a Bittish forum.

Name and address not supplied:)

NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE

To the citizens of the United States of America,
In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP
for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A
questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should
raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed".


2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.


3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard.


4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys.


5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game.
The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football.
Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for
a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nonces). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2005.

7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if they give you any merde. The 98.85% of you who were not aware that there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians
have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for "shit".

8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day".

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

Thank you for your cooperation.

Have a nice day !
__________________
Everyone has a right to be ugly, I just abuse the privelage.



*** Not written by me:)

Ross
CBRXX
 

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Ross, having seen how America treats its leaders, why would you want to do that to your revered Queen? What did she ever do to you? And if any of us ever spelled "aluminum" with a spare "I", we'd flunk the spelling test.
Seriously, I have many friends from Blighty, and I always enjoy a different point of view. Most, but not all, Americans fail to realize that there is a point of view other than their own.
I play with girls every chance I get!
German cars are cool, but let's face it, most of them only get 20 miles to the dollar!
That fine British import, **** Jagger, says that it was me & you that killed the Kennedys.
On your bike, mate!!
 

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This is just a ploy by the Brits to say they have the best Superbike riders again(ie, Nicky Hayden, da Bostroms, Chandler, etc). :rolleyes::D:p
 

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I sent the post that started this thread to some famliy and friends. This is my brother Ed's response:

Dear British types,

In the tradition of a famed American, Benjamin Franklin, I propose a compromise.

First, we shall retain our independence, but we will disband the Congress by a mandate of the people, to be known as the Get-a-Real-Job Proclamation. Becoming a lobbyist shall be disallowed.

Second, we shall have a President, and in the event of mysterious vote tallying and close calls, the winner shall be determined by a pistol duel from ten paces. If after five shots, no winner is determined, the paces shall be reduced by half and shots will resume until such a time as a winner is determined. If both candidates do not survive, another election shall be held after a period of celebration is held for seven days and nights.

Third, we will continue to speak American, but will add Cockney terms and phrases, most notably "bollocks", "pillock", "sod off", and "take the piss." Saying shite instead of shit shall be up to the individual. However, a chili dog will always be a chili dog, never a "banger," although you Brits do get credit for witty fart humor. You may have to give up the language issue all together. Do you really believe you could get Eric Dickerson to sound like Lennox Lewis? How about James Carville aka Corporal Cueball? My point should now have the clarity of the finest crystal. Recognition of futility is not a weakness or concession.

Fourth, if your rugby players suit up and play one of our football teams, such as the Denver Broncos or the Kansas City Chiefs and STILL think our football is a wimpy sport, then we'll play more rugby. Your rugby players may not choose to play against San Diego, Cleveland, or Cincinnati. Only professional teams count. Many of our football fans are the same as your unruly gobshites, so we could all root for both sports. As proof, pay attention to the crowd shots in Oakland; they are every bit as bad as pissed (the British term) Scotsmen.

Fifth, we will forgive you for the Sex Pistols if you forgive us for Marilyn Manson.

By the way, how are the people of the USA to respect people who boil beef?

[Edited by photobug on 11-17-2000 at 10:10 AM]
 

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After seeing stupid $h1T like that, I think the IRA needs more support. They just can't seem to get their point accross to you guys....P.S I know that you are from New Zealand, Ross, and DID NOT WRITE the letter.



CHEERS!!!HAHAHAHHAHA


I hope you guys never never have any civil unrest, ya bunch of unarmed LIMEY fruitcakes!!!!

[Edited by jimmyjr on 11-17-2000 at 12:04 PM]
 

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photobug said:

Fifth, we will forgive you for the Sex Pistols if you forgive us for Marilyn Manson.
Forget the Sex Pistols, I want an Apology for the Spice Girls.

Rock on
Ride on

Adrian
 

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Hmmmmmm....Triumph....Brands Hatch......Harrier jets.....Guinness beer....Donnington.....Spice Girls...Jaguar...we can probably work out a deal...;)

[Edited by LEDSLED on 11-20-2000 at 10:59 AM]
 

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photobug said:
Fourth, if your rugby players suit up and play one of our football teams, such as the Denver Broncos or the Kansas City Chiefs and STILL think our football is a wimpy sport, then we'll play more rugby. Your rugby players may not choose to play against San Diego, Cleveland, or Cincinnati. Only professional teams count. Many of our football fans are the same as your unruly gobshites, so we could all root for both sports. As proof, pay attention to the crowd shots in Oakland; they are every bit as bad as pissed (the British term) Scotsmen.
I know the you were jokeing but rugby players are the toughest athleats<SP> around. They don't quit because of a stubbed toe or a twisted ancle. Furthermore they dont go for 8 seconds then stop for 30. They go for non stop for 40 minutes then stop for 5 then go for another 40. Thats 80 minutes of being trampled, hit,and smashed all wile playing with no pads (Even cups are illegal).
I've played rugby for 2 years and last year we had a total of 10 broken ribs 2 broken ankles 5 noses 3 lost teeth and 49 coccusions<SP>(my coach kept track) and not a single player sat out a game or missed a pratice. When was the last time a football team has done that:D;)

BTW 3 ribs, 1 ankle,and a few coccusions were mine:D
 

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I agree about the spice girls. When they had the first album come over here, inside the cover was a thing to fill out to be a member of the fan club. Well, the uppity little bitches decided they didn't want to let me in the "club". They didn't even send me a rejection letter, just nothing. I know they got the letter cause I double checked the address and made sure it was stamped even. Those brits are so stuck up!
 

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Ok, Stan. Just watch out for those bridges :D

[Edited by The_CB_Kid on 11-20-2000 at 06:40 PM]
 

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LOL. I swear to god Kyle, those snobby british girls didn't even send me a rejection letter! But I do get an itch when I pass over bridges! :)
 

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That was too funny. My brother lived there for 8 years and his now exwife, is British. I really do like it there, but it's just too damn cold and wet for me to move there.
 
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