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Subject: Warning Labels for Booze

13 ADDITIONAL WARNINGS THE FDA IS CONSIDERING FOR BEER AND ALCOHOL
BOTTLES

13. WARNING - Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are
whispering when you are not.

12. WARNING - Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing
like an asshole.

11. WARNING - Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the
same boring story over and over again until your friends want to
SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.

10. WARNING - Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings
like thish.

9. WARNING - Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that
ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the
morning.

8. WARNING - Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the
hell happened to your pants.

7. WARNING - Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in
the morning and see something really scary.

6. WARNING - Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of
inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.

5. WARNING - Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you
are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really, really
big guy named Chuck.

4. WARNING - Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are
invisible.

3. WARNING - Consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are
laughing WITH you.

2. WARNING - Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the
time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time
may seem to literally disappear.

1. WARNING - Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.
 
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