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J

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Discussion Starter #1
Warning it's sort of dirty. No cursing though. Has nothing to do with riding... motorcycles that is. :D

A "City Slicker" from Miami, FL got tired of the hustle and bustle of city life. So he bought a small farm in Georgia.

While in town at the General Store, he overheard some old-timers talking about having sex with their goats. He thought that was rather interesting but let it slip his mind.

Later that day...

While feeding the animals in the barn, he had the urge to urinate. So he went behind the barn instead of going to the house. When he got there he saw the goats grazing. He then wandered what the old men were raving about... so he moved in behind one of the goats and started having his way. About that time the Sheriff, coming to welcome the new neighbor, walked behind the barn and caught him with his pants down. :eek: He was arrested and taken to jail in town.

At the hearing...

The man told the Judge that he was releiving himself when the goat backed up on him. <lots of sighs in the courtroom>

Judge slams the gavel down... <face red, veins popping out on forehead> yells "ORDER! You expect me to believe that a goat backed up on you while you where urinating?" :mad:

City Slicker "Yes Sir Your Honor."

Old man in jury stands up and says "You know Your Honor... a good goat will do that" :D

Ride Hard!

John

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There was a guy that was having sex with pigs. He quit because they kept squeeling on him.

Ya I know.

Mike

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A man's got to know his limitations
 

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Why does the chicken coop have two doors?

If it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan!

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[This message has been edited by scotty (edited June 08, 2000).]
 

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okay, seeing as how i LIVE with the joke king, i will contribute.
now, hope anyone who's asian, half asian, or whatever out there, this doesn't offend you. i'm half asian myself, so i'm allowed to make fun of us. HAHA. :D :D :D

There was a boss who wanted some cultural diversity in his company. So he hires a French man, an Spanish man, and a Japanese man. He explained to them that he wanted a pile of dirt moved. He told the French man that he was in charge of the shovelling. He would take the shovel, and move the dirt from one spot to the other. He told the Spanish man that he's in charge of the wheel burrow. He would help haul the dirt and pick up any that the French man had dropped. He told the Japanese man that he was in charge of the supplies. Make sure that the other two guys had everything they needed. He wanted this done in an hour. He went off to lunch. An hour later, he comes back and notices nothing has been done and the French man and Spanish man are sitting on the original pile of dirt. WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON HERE? WHY HASN'T ANY OF THIS DIRT BEEN MOVED? Both men pointed behind the dirt pile. The boss walked around the dirt pile and out of nowhere, the Japanese man jumps out and shouts, SUPPPLLIIEESS!!!!!
bud-da boom ching
(it's better told verbally)

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Amy
"Smiling from gear to gear."
 
J

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Discussion Starter #7
Kyle can I use the Harley one? :D :D

Amy, Amy, Amy... damn! :rolleyes:

Just kidding... it was a good one. I felt like a fool having to say it out loud.

Ride Hard!

John

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A redneck from Plano goes to Dallas to apply for a job as a Dallas police officer.

During the inter view...

Chief of Police says - "Well Billy Bob, I have two ask you a couple of questions for the records."

Billy Bob says - "Go ahead Chief... shoot"

C.o.P - "What is one and one?"

B.B <with big smile> says - "'ats easy... it's eleven"

C.o.P. <puzzled> - "Well yeah I guess you could see it that way."

C.o.P. - "What two days of the week start with 'T'?"

B.B. <smiling again> - "Today and Tomorrow"

C.o.P. - "Okay. :rolleyes: Well one more question. Who shot President Kennedy?"

B.B. <with puzzled look> replies - "Well Chief I'm not sure on that one."

C.o.P. <holding back laugh> says - "Well Billy Bob why don't you go home and think about that one and come see me tomorrow."

When Billy Bob gets home...

Billy's wife asks - "How'd yer meetin' go?"

B.B. <excited> replies - "Good I guess... they got me workin' on a murder case."


Ride Hard!

John

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Ride Hard!

John
 

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OLD JOKE WARNING! You may have heard this one.

Kid goes out and buys the latest, greatest, fastest-ever sportbike, a Yamakazuki 1500. He bought it because all the mags raved about how it was the fastest ever, titanium this, carbon fiber that, would top 200mph.

So he's sitting at a stop light feeling smug and proud when this guy who looks to be about 80 years old pulls up on a scooter that's not much newer. The old guy starts looking over the kid's shiny new bike.

"What kinda bike ya got there laddie?"

"This is a Yamakazuki 1500, the fastest production motorcycle on the street. It'll do 200 mph," the kid says proudly.

"Shazaam! How much does a bike like that cost?"

"Costs $20,000 because of all the special metals and such," the kid said.

"Whooeee, that sure is a lot for a motorsickle," said the old man, who's really interested now, leaning over close and looking the new bike over real carefully.

Just then the light turns green and the kid decides to show off. He accelerates up through the gears and soon he's doing 200 mph. Then he sees this small speck in his rearview mirror, but closing fast! Suddenly something whooshes by! How could anything pass his Yamakazuki 1500?!?

Then he sees something ahead of him coming toward him fast. Just before it crashes into him, he sees it's the old man on the scooter! Impossible!

The kid manages to get off the road with little damage and rushes over to the old guy and his crumpled scooter, both of which are in really bad shape. He's afraid the old guy won't pull through.

"Is there anything I can do for you?" the kid asks.

"Yeah," the old guy whispers. "Unhook my suspenders from your rear-view mirror."

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One to compete with Amy's :p
Once upon a time there was a land of Tridds. All the Tridds kids loved to play on the mountain. Each day all the Tridds kids would gather together to go up the mountain and play. One day a monster landed on the mountain and kicked all of the Tridds kids off. The Tridds kids were sad. All of the Tridds kids gathered together and went to the Rabi to seek his advise. They explained to the Rabi that they loved to play on the mountain, but a monster had landed on the mountain and kicked them off. The Rabi said, "Choose the strongest Tridds kid to go up the mountain, battle the monster and kick him off. Then you may all play on the montain." This they do but the monster kicks him off. Again they go to the Rabi. The Rabi says, "Choose the next ten strongest, send them up to battle the monster, kick the monster off the mountain, then you may all go up to play." The monster kicks all ten off. Back to the Rabi. "Let's all go up to battle the monster. I'll go with you. We will all battle the monster, kick him off the mountain, then you all may play." The monster kicks everyone off except the Rabi. "Monster....I don't understand. Why have you kicked all the Tridds kids off the mountain, yet left me standing?

Says the monster, "Silly Rabi, kicks are for Tridds"

Thank you......I'll be here all week. Don't forget to tip your bartenders and waitresses. :D :D :D

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That don't fix it? Get a bigger Hammer
1993 GSXR 1100
 

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No offense to blondes, but....

So there's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank.
"Yoo-hoo" she shouts, "how can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river then shouts back, "You are on the other side!"

- Jeff -

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Kahuna's Home Page
ICQ # - 14578052
 

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OK folks, no offense, but since this is a MOTORCYCLE-RELATED web site, when posting lame jokes we should make every effort to post MOTORCYCLE-RELATED lame jokes.

Such as the following:

Local cop sees about 30 Harleys parked outside a roadhouse one night and decides it will be an easy way to rack up some DWI tickets to please the sheriff. So he parks down the road in the dark and pretty soon one of the bikers comes out, staggers across the parking lot, drops his keys, almost falls off the bike trying to start it and finally weaves out onto the highway. The biker's not 100 yards down the road when the cop hits the lights and pulls him over.

Just as he's asking the biker for his license and registration, the other 29 Harleys roar off in the opposite direction.

"Had a little too much to drink?" the cop asks the biker.

"No sir, I'm in AA, haven't had a drink in eight years."

"Come on, I saw you staggering across the parking lot."

"That's true, but I haven't had a single drink."

The cop's getting angry now because he can tell the guy really is sober. "What are you," he asks, "some kind of joker?"

"No sir, I'm the decoy."

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J

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Discussion Starter #13
A Tennessee and an Alabama Forest Ranger are riding horses along opposite sides of an old tattered fence talking.

They come upon a small fawn(baby deer) with its head stuck in the fence.

The Tenn. Ranger starts laughing and says "watch this". :eek:

He jumps off the horse and goes over to the deer. Drops his pants, grabs the deer by the ears and has his way. :eek:

He gets done and says to the Alabama Ranger, "Hey, you want to try this?". :cool:

The Alabama Ranger says "Hell yeah!". So he jumps off his horse and sticks his head in the fence. :D

John

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a snail goes into a bar and climbs up onto the bar counter, the bartender walks over, looks at the snail, and then flicks him out the door with his finger!

a year to the day later the same snail climbs back up onto the bar. the bartender comes over and stands infront of hime and the snail says "w h a t d i d y o u d o t h a t f o r ? ? ?"

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Nick
You meet the nicest people on Hondas
 

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during WWII(world war 2) there was major trench warfare. the germans and americans were within yelling distance, and there was not much killing going on lately! well the americans had to advance and were getting no were fast, so, one of the american soilders(ralph) came up with an idea...

he went into his sgt. tent and asked "sgt what is the most common german name?"

sgt: "well, ralph, helmet is a common name!"

with this new found knowledge ralph returned to the trenchs, he loaded his rifle and sat up ready to fire. then he yelled "HELMET!"
one of the germans put his head up and said "JAH?"

BANG.

ralph shot and killed the german. well for about a week this went on...

"HELMET!"
"JAH?"
BANG.

"HELMET!"
"JAH?"
BANG.

so after a week one of the germans (named helmet) decided that he had to do something as all of his friends were getting killed!! So, he went to his sgt's tent:
helmet: "sgt vhat is ah commin amirikan nome?"
sgt: "vell helmet, ralph is a commin amerikan nome!"

with his new found knowledge helmet returnned to the trenches. he loaded his rifle ready to pop up and fire! he yells..

ger: "RALPH!"
amer: "IS THAT YOU HELMET?"
ger: "JAH!"
BANG.

this is also better told verbally! and in no way am i insulting anyones culture or accent!

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Nick
You meet the nicest people on Hondas
 

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Well considering all the stuff in the DAily forum about cops and the joke forum here I thought this appropriate:

Things Not to Say to a Cop When You're Pulled Over...
-I only had one officer Mr. Keg..
-Back off Barney, I've got a piece.
-Want to race to the station, Sparky?
-I know I was weaving, but I can't find the Honeycomb Hideout!
-On the way to the station let's get a twelve pack.
-You'll never get those cuffs on me...You Pussy!
-Come on write the damn ticket, the bars close in 20 minutes!
-Hey, wasn't your daughter a pork queen?
-How long is this going to take? Your wife is expecting me.
-Hey officer, is that your nightstick or are you just glad to see me?
-I'm surprised you stopped me, Dunkin Donuts has a 3 for 1 special!
-Yeah you can see my license and registration, officer, but could you hold my beer for a minute?
-Hey, you must've been doing' about 125mph (200km/h) to keep up with me! Good job!
-Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
-I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a Police Officer.
-Excuse me. Is "stick up" hyphenated?
-You know, I was going to be cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
-"Bad Cop! No Donut!"
-I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are cars around, that's how far I am behind the other cars.
-You're NOT gonna check the trunk, are you?
-"Lets do it different this time... I will give you the breathalyzer test, now stick this in your mouth and blow"
-Didn't I see you get your ass kicked on "COPS" last week on TV?
-Wow, You look just like the guy in the picture next to my girlfriend's bed.
-I bet I could grab that gun before you finish writing my ticket
-So, uh, you "on the take", or what?
-Gee, officer! That's terrific. The police officer yesterday only gave me a warning too!
-Do you know why you pulled me over? Good, at least one of us does.
-So, are you still crabby because your mamma didn't let you play with your gun when you were little?
-Hey is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum.
-When you smack the crap outta me, make sure you smile for the video camcorder.
-Is it true that people become policemen because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?
-Hey, you look like that girl I ****ed a few days ago...
-Aren't you one of the Village People?
-Hey officer, want to see a trick? Look at your wife!


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Will Darton
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