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Discussion Starter #1
Think again .... and read this post.

Now, we are all sportbike riding cants for various reasons, all of which are to cover up inadequacies that can not be compensated for by any other means ... such as small dicks, bad hair styles, sad girlfriends, sadder wives, shite senses of humour .. or because we are poofs.

None of these reasons should let us think for a minute that we should start doing basic maintenance on our bikes.

There are some amongst us that would have you believe otherwise. Before I say much more, can I just point out to you .. that they are cants. Really .... cants.

As an example, look at Big Phil. Now while he will happily twiddle with his sump plug and compare filter wrench torque settings with online friends (read .. imaginary), fact is he does this stuff cause he likes it, not cause it's easy. This alone on any sane planet would have him committed.

Others ... like me ... will try it .... cause even our imaginary friends tell us to **** off.

So .... I did. I tried to change my own oil. I thought, hey, save a few bob, have a bit of fun, get to tinker with my bike and be proud of myself in the process.

Cost to get done by others, including filter: $80 - $100.

Cost to do myself: $150 - $170..... made up from $85 oil, $18 filter, $15 adjustable wrench, $10 correct non-adjustable wrench, $12 wrong size oil filter wrench, $15 right size oil filter wrench, $10 to replace destroyed screwdriver (read on) and a stuffed sump plug, so whats that add up to .. about $155.... but FARK ME .. now I've got all the tools to do it again ..... but LIKE FARK I EVER WILL ....

Here's what REALLY happens, if you try and do this stuff on your own .. and all this from recent experience ....

You decide at last minute to do the job, and buy a filter .. easy. Then you need oil, and decide that the exact 10-50 Mobil One is the ONLY oil and the BEST oil, and if you don't use this oil.... it will not be JUST RIGHT ... so 3 hours later and $85 you have it. Then, fairing and bits off, you think your a wizz and you have at it by newly purchased tools. You feel farking good, cause you have just bought an oil filter wrench, and you've told your wife that some poor fools never use the right tools ....

Until you realise that 1. your adjustable wrench has rounded your sump plug and 2. oil filter wrenches can come in different sizes, and your such a dumb cant you bought the wrong one.

It gets worse, cause you then remember an old 'trick' and smash a screwdriver through the filter, but then hang off it the wrong way, which tightens the thing and in the process you make sharp edges and rip the filter open like a sardine can .... cutting fingers like butter ... ouch !

So ... of to the shop again, cause now you MUST get the filter off .... otherwise your $20,000 penis extension is now an art piece ... that you farkin hate !!

So then, new filter wrench in hand, and the write wrench ... you go to it ... and get hot oil EVERYWHERE, and use 5 tea towels just to keep hold of your tools.

Long story ..... to make it short....don't do it ... but if you must .. call be before you do so I can personally call you a cant.

Your technical legend. :thumb: :thumb:
 

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First let me acknowlege that i'm by all means not a tech guy......AT ALL but changing your oil is very simple given that you have the right tools for the job... As I read your thread I wondered why you would think you could change your oil without a socket set and a filter wrench????

The oil should never cost you 85 bucks dude, unless you using race oil......., my question is then WHY????

I never put anything but YamaLube in my R1 and it ran better then some others running the 14 a bottle purple gook...

The whole plug issue is just that you shouldn't use a 4 ft socket driver to torque it on with... its as simple as one snug tight turn and let it go... just enough to seal it good...
 

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R1 dude

Yamaha dont make oil and never have..food for thought..even their marine oil used to be Q8 or Pennzeoil ( cant spel)

85 bucks is SIngapore dollars ( bout 40 somethin US)

Legend: top marks for tryin but yer still a cant!
Next time come round but leave yer adjustable wench at home!

Cheers
 

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Even 40 bucks seems high for oil..... the oil I buy is 4 bucks a qt and i use just about four of them...looking at 16 bucks plus tax, should always be less than 25 dollars for the oil then about 12-15 for the filter....

bigphil - when you say yamaha doesn't make oil??? Yamahalube is sold in any local dealership on the shelf???

here, I figured I'd be nice to Legend... It's a simple oil changing kit, I'll sell them for 60 bucks a pop... HOW MANY WOULD YOU LIKE GUYS????? Come on before the weather gets nice enough to ride.....

:crying:
 

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Legend said:
... and get hot oil EVERYWHERE, and use 5 tea towels just to keep hold of your tools.
You farking dickhead!!!!

The only way this story could have made me laugh harder is if it was a pictorial..... like a 'How not to change your oil' kinda article, would have been perfect for the upcoming addition of 'The Scum' too. Hahahaha :twofinger
 

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I cunt fekking believe it

Another classic from the "House of Legend":D
You need to register yer self as a trade mark so you can protect yer interests in the future.
You could become the motorcycle equivilent to "Wayne's World"
"Dave's World, Dave's World, party on, yer a cunt"
Thank god we dun have public access TV here:twofinger
How about a weekly video feature," Legends top tips" could be riding tips, or maintanance tips, or bike set up tips, or picking up burd's tips:)

Blur1dude:
Yamaha package oil, they dont make it.
Mobil 1 is probably the most expensive and overrated oil in the busines (Im a Mobil 1 agent) 40 us is about right for top of the range synthetic. Below that you get what you pay for.
Dun worry about Legend, hes a nutter and we lurve him.

As usual the Legend has put a smile on my boat which isnt easy first thing in the morning:thumb:
 

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Discussion Starter #7
bluR1dude said:
Even 40 bucks seems high for oil..... the oil I buy is 4 bucks a qt and i use just about four of them...looking at 16 bucks plus tax, should always be less than 25 dollars for the oil then about 12-15 for the filter....

bigphil - when you say yamaha doesn't make oil??? Yamahalube is sold in any local dealership on the shelf???

here, I figured I'd be nice to Legend... It's a simple oil changing kit, I'll sell them for 60 bucks a pop... HOW MANY WOULD YOU LIKE GUYS????? Come on before the weather gets nice enough to ride.....

:crying:
Ok .... before I start, cause I have got myself in trouble more times than once ..... bluR1dude,

1. welcome bro and I hope you hang about. We need a little Amercan flavouring to spice our wee place up. You can guarantee I'll be giving you a hard time :thumb:
2. the more times I abuse you by calling you a cant or a poof, the more I like ya, and
3. Your a poofta cant :D :D :D :D

That bloody oil filter adapter is the ticket mate !!! ..... if only I had that thing bro I would have saved about 2 hours of swearing and my new neighbours would probably still like me .....nah, maybe I would have just saved 2 hours.

Now .... the reason for paying such a huge amount of money for oil is so I get the special 'race' stuff, as used by Colin Edwards and Troy Bayliss. It has shaved about 3 minutes off my time to work in the mornings and I've booked in to get a dyno done. I reakon I'm making at least an extra 8 HP.

Oh, just before I go ... Bluedude ... I do feel for ya ...here in the tropics it's ALWAYS 32 farkin degrees .. which does mean we ride all year round and there is no such thing as tyre warmers or warmup laps ..... but it SUCKS trying to change oil with litres of the stuff all over yourself combines with quarts (see ... I can speal American) of sweat in yer eyes ....

Double oh .... you are all cants.

P.S ...Bluedude .... you got a carbon fibre registration holder ... I'll so ya a straight swap for yer oil changing kit.


:thumb: :thumb: :thumb: :thumb:
 

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hang on a minute.........

Back pedalling a bit here but 'small dicks and bad hair do's' I can go with, 'sad girlfriends, sadder wives' now listen.......watch it or I'll send the boys 'round:finger: Perhaps they could change yer oil for you while they're there, ya poof.

Mrs. S
 

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Discussion Starter #10
arf arf

Mrs S, I would hope you would never think I was including you in the remarks above ... you could NEVER be called sad .. you lovely wee thing you xx

I just re-read my last post.

I do believe being banned from a not-to-be-mentioned other forum (cause they are cants) ... has blunted the Legends sword. I think I was actually NICE to Bluedude ?? .... shite ... the end is near.

Right, part two of the oil change saga .. YES, there is more and YES it is all farkin true .... I was nee gonna bother but seein as ya loved it Tuggy here ya go ....

I got the whole idea in my head from seeing Big Phil doing it. Now on to be referred to as Fat Cant. He must have been using mirrors and slight of hand and stuff, cause it all looked so easy, quick and no rags needed ??? .....

The right tools helps for sure ..... but being right in the head is a must, therefore in hindsight I was farked from the get go.

After getting the right tools, I realised I had NOTHING TO DRAIN THE OIL INTO ...... how .. HOW ... did I forget this bit ... oh, yes, now I remember .. back in the lovely land of green called NZ, I never needed to 'drain' oil, cause all the bits-a-shite I've owned came with their own automatic drainers as standard.

No worries, I emptied out the miss's rice container, set to it with a knife, and fark me I'm brilliant .... until the sump plug comes off.

Ya see .... after running about getting all the right tools and shite .... the oil, which I had initially left to cool, was farkin hot ... like the water temp gauge was showing 107 degrees hot ... so there I am, on my back, shirt off, sweat and blood (honest) everywhere, my finger tips are in my farkin mouth cause I was daft enough to grab the plug as it came off ...and it's FARKIN hot .. and lads, used oil tastes like shite !! ........and I watched, in horror, as my wiffy's ex-rice container, started to deform cause of the heat ... and try to spill 3 plus litres (3 quarts bluecant:thumb: ) over the nice parking area of my lodgings.

You would think this would be enough .... nope.

After getting the filter off, new one on, new oil in ,sump plug on, fairing back together .. it would be over right ? Well, I bought 4 one litre bottles, not one 4 litre bottle .... so in a moment of complete twatiness .... (is THAT a word Mrs S??) I took the melting ex-rice container, which along with it's hot contents had been dumped into my ex-cleaning bucket ...... into the kitchen, and proceeded to pour that farkin stuff into 4 containers .....

Lads ... oil EVERYWHERE .... on the floor, down the sink cupboard doors, through the lounge .... lovely.

Cants.
 

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Havent u heard of Sillypore?

here, I figured I'd be nice to Legend... It's a simple oil changing kit, I'll sell them for 60 bucks a pop... HOW MANY WOULD YOU LIKE GUYS????? Come on before the weather gets nice enough to ride.....

:crying: [/B]
Welcome to this sunny island call "SillyPore". Weather is always ready to ride.....now now, dun get too envy......:twofinger
 

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If ye canny do an oil change...

Ye shouldnt touch anything else like brakes and other such tricky jobs. If you decide to ignore my advice again please let us know in advance so we can video the whole spectical.
 

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Excellent..

I'm ROTFLMAO. Oil in the Kitchen? I'm surpised that you are still alive!!!

PLEEEEAAAASSSEEE Bellendgend, let us all know when you are about to change your brake fluid so we can come and spectate :twofinger :twofinger

I shouldn't laugh, I went to start my darling yesterday and the bastid battery was flat. Can you beilive that?! Seven weeks without an airing - bliddy shameful. :eek:
 

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Discussion Starter #15
Re: Excellent..

Worzel Gummidge said:
I'm ROTFLMAO....
Hahahaha .... ok ok ... I get the Rolling On The FLoor .. bit ... but WTF is MAO ???

My Anal Orafice
Magenta Aura Oddball
Mystery Alien Omagowd

???
 

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.... larfing his arse off, I guess. Along with the rest us.

I'm glad I never accepted your offer on the Blue Cat re-build.... where would we be now... half way towards building the world's most powerful unicycle, without a saddle ?
 

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Re: Re: Excellent..

Legend said:
Hahahaha .... ok ok ... I get the Rolling On The FLoor .. bit ... but WTF is MAO ???

My Anal Orafice
Magenta Aura Oddball
Mystery Alien Omagowd

???
Legend bro,

Everyone knows that ROTFLMAO stands for Rolling on the floor laughing my arse off.

:D :D
 

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The Ex-Kitchen Appliances

Especially I like the bit about the ex-rice cooker.... I can relate to that sort of thing myself.

One November I did my Christmas shopping early and bought my step-father a bench grinder. At the time we were living in a small flat in London and consequently didn't have too much use for this type of equipment ..... or so I thought until I had a few drinks on board !!

Anyway, coming home late one evening after closing time, (obligatory pit stop for the elephant's foot Kebab en route) the big box containing said grinder was too much to resist.

Couple of moments later it was rigged up in the Kitchen and I was well into my first project ... sharpening the Kitchen Knifes. Ooohh the sparks .... it was marvellous .... before I knew it I had ground away the blade altogether and was holding an ex-knife. My second attempt wasn't much better either and I turned the big meat cleaver into something resembling a swiss army knife.

Next up I figured I would fashion my own design of wooden spoon, using some wooden spoons and, you guessed it, the bench grinder !! Course, took a couple of dry runs to get the design taking shape before I got into my stride. Several attempts later I abandoned the idea as I was running out of raw materials.

Satisfied that I wouldn't need to return the grinder under warranty I cleared up the mess and took myself off to bed. Waking up the following morning I had completely forgotten the hive of activity in the kitchen that had taken place during the wee hours, until I was subjected to some interrogation from a somewhat distraught Vanessa.

Took some explaining my way out of that one without being put off games, I can tell you ....
 

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Also...

Blue Catttttttt,

I would also suggest that you never accept any offers from Legend to cook you anything to eat at his place..... nevermind him helping you repair your bike!! :eek: :eek:
 

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Discussion Starter #20
Re: The Ex-Kitchen Appliances

Blue Catt said:
........At the time we were living in a small flat in London and consequently didn't have too much use for this type of equipment ..... or so I thought until I had a few drinks on board !!
......Couple of moments later it was rigged up in the Kitchen and I was well into my first project ...
Hahahaha ... ooohh .. how I laughed. Nice ya cant .. nice !

It gets me wondering as to what other stories you and the rest of us have involving what we thought when we had had a few drinks !! ....

:thumb: :thumb:
 
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