Sportbike World banner

Come visit Missouri...

2K views 33 replies 8 participants last post by  tigerblade 
#1 ·
Subject: Missouri Tourism Commission Bulletin: This list of rules will be handed to each person as they enter the state:

1. That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work before breakfast than you'll do all week at work or at the gym. How'd you like to go home and tell your momma you got your butt kicked by a ******* in bib overalls?

2. It's called a 'gravel road.' No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your BMW. I have a four wheel drive because I need it. Drive your foreign car or get it out of the way.

3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were nine years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.

4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get your butt kicked...BY OUR WOMEN.

5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little 13 inch trout your fish for....bait.

6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

8. That's right. whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what you paid for a shot in the airport.

9. The MU Tigers are as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks....and a dang sight more fun to watch.

10. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey. yeah, we have sweet tea. it comes in a glass with two packets of sugar and a long spoon.

11. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.

12. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar combines that we use two weeks a year.

13. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.

14. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks - because they want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.

15. Yeah, we eat catfish, carp and turtle. You really want sushi and caviar? it's available at the bait shop.

16. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? I-70 goes two ways I-35 goes the other two. Pick one.

17. The "Opener" refers to the fist day of quail season. it's a religious holiday held the first of November. You can get breakfast at the church.

18. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Understand the concept?

19. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit the water hazards. It spooks the fish.


NOW, ENJOY YOUR VISIT AND THEN GO HOME
 
See less See more
G
#3 ·
tigerblade said:
17. The "Opener" refers to the fist day of quail season. it's a religious holiday held the first of November. You can get breakfast at the church.
Tiger, your post is making me homesick. Growing up in south Louisiana, the "opener" of any hunting season, even squirrel season, was an excused absence from church, school, whatever. I miss it.
 
#5 ·
Pete,
Actually I didn't know the first day of quail season to be a big deal. Deer season, on the other hand, is scary. When we were little our parents didn't let us play outside (lived in the country) for fear of getting shot by one of the big-city guys with a 4x4 ATV equipped with GPS. I've never deer hunted myself; Dad never liked cleaning them & such. We go pheasant (Mmmm, now that's a good meal!) and quail hunting, although I haven't been in a few years. If any of you are interested in pheasant hunting in the Fall, let me know. I have access to a lot of prime ground in NW Missouri.
I also find it amusing how ******* people can be when I graduated with 26 people and I'm not as much of a hick as they are. :rolleyes:
 
#7 ·
748 abuser said:


1 in 26 is nothing to brag about.
I was referring to the "********" from large cities. I'm from a rural area but I can't stand (no offense) NASCAR or professional wrestling.


"It's bad enough having no immune system, but having to wear this giant cabbage on my head is too much."

-John Travolta
The Boy in the Plastic Bubble
 
G
#12 ·
tigerblade said:
We'll have to see what we can get together. Of course, you two walking around with loaded weaponry might not be the best thing for my health...
Just wear your hunter-orange, and you should make an easy target, uh, I mean, it should keep you safe, yeah that's it, keep you safe. :D
 
#15 ·
Pete said:


Paul, I was thinking we should invite John, but do we really wanna hunt with a guy carrying a H&R crack-barrel .410?
John's parole officer Grady is uncomfortable with John carrying a firearm across state lines. I hate for him to feel left out though; maybe he could come along and carry the cooler or take pictures or something....:D
 
#26 ·
Speaking of hunting.....

In my high school english class, we got in a heated debate over hunting. I started it all. I told the class my idea for hunting.

Overcrowding in prison? Endngered speices? Combine them together. Dress up a lifer as a black bear or a green one, turn him loose in the forrest in the middle of hunting season. Thus, overcrowding problem fixed.

I don't know why the teacher failed me for the semester, I think her brother was a lifer....... hmmmm oh well.
 
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top