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Subject: Missouri Tourism Commission Bulletin: This list of rules will be handed to each person as they enter the state:

1. That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work before breakfast than you'll do all week at work or at the gym. How'd you like to go home and tell your momma you got your butt kicked by a redneck in bib overalls?

2. It's called a 'gravel road.' No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your BMW. I have a four wheel drive because I need it. Drive your foreign car or get it out of the way.

3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were nine years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.

4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get your butt kicked...BY OUR WOMEN.

5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little 13 inch trout your fish for....bait.

6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

8. That's right. whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what you paid for a shot in the airport.

9. The MU Tigers are as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks....and a dang sight more fun to watch.

10. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey. yeah, we have sweet tea. it comes in a glass with two packets of sugar and a long spoon.

11. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.

12. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar combines that we use two weeks a year.

13. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.

14. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks - because they want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.

15. Yeah, we eat catfish, carp and turtle. You really want sushi and caviar? it's available at the bait shop.

16. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? I-70 goes two ways I-35 goes the other two. Pick one.

17. The "Opener" refers to the fist day of quail season. it's a religious holiday held the first of November. You can get breakfast at the church.

18. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Understand the concept?

19. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit the water hazards. It spooks the fish.


NOW, ENJOY YOUR VISIT AND THEN GO HOME
 

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Pretty funny!

I spent a whole month one weekend in Macon.

People say the same stuff about South Dakota, but it's not all that bad. With fewer people, you have fewer assholes.
 
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tigerblade said:
17. The "Opener" refers to the fist day of quail season. it's a religious holiday held the first of November. You can get breakfast at the church.
Tiger, your post is making me homesick. Growing up in south Louisiana, the "opener" of any hunting season, even squirrel season, was an excused absence from church, school, whatever. I miss it.
 

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Pete,
Actually I didn't know the first day of quail season to be a big deal. Deer season, on the other hand, is scary. When we were little our parents didn't let us play outside (lived in the country) for fear of getting shot by one of the big-city guys with a 4x4 ATV equipped with GPS. I've never deer hunted myself; Dad never liked cleaning them & such. We go pheasant (Mmmm, now that's a good meal!) and quail hunting, although I haven't been in a few years. If any of you are interested in pheasant hunting in the Fall, let me know. I have access to a lot of prime ground in NW Missouri.
I also find it amusing how redneck people can be when I graduated with 26 people and I'm not as much of a hick as they are. :rolleyes:
 

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tigerblade said:
When we were little our parents didn't let us play outside...

Ohhh... so YOU were the boy in the plastic bubble.

... I graduated with 26 people and I'm not as much of a hick as they are.
1 in 26 is nothing to brag about.
 

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748 abuser said:


1 in 26 is nothing to brag about.
I was referring to the "rednecks" from large cities. I'm from a rural area but I can't stand (no offense) NASCAR or professional wrestling.


"It's bad enough having no immune system, but having to wear this giant cabbage on my head is too much."

-John Travolta
The Boy in the Plastic Bubble
 
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tigerblade said:
If any of you are interested in pheasant hunting in the Fall, let me know. I have access to a lot of prime ground in NW Missouri.
I'm not shitting you, Paul and I will take you up on this offer.
 
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748 abuser said:
Yep, I'm there... seriously.:)
Paul, I was thinking we should invite John, but do we really wanna hunt with a guy carrying a H&R crack-barrel .410?
 

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We'll have to see what we can get together. Of course, you two walking around with loaded weaponry might not be the best thing for my health...
 
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tigerblade said:
We'll have to see what we can get together. Of course, you two walking around with loaded weaponry might not be the best thing for my health...
Just wear your hunter-orange, and you should make an easy target, uh, I mean, it should keep you safe, yeah that's it, keep you safe. :D
 

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Pete said:
Just wear your hunter-orange, and you should make an easy target, uh, I mean, it should keep you safe, yeah that's it, keep you safe. :D
Hey, tigerblade, you put this brown coat on, tape these feathers on yer' head, go into dem' bushes, and flush dem' sum'bitches outa' there.
 

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Pete said:


Paul, I was thinking we should invite John, but do we really wanna hunt with a guy carrying a H&R crack-barrel .410?
John's parole officer Grady is uncomfortable with John carrying a firearm across state lines. I hate for him to feel left out though; maybe he could come along and carry the cooler or take pictures or something....:D
 

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Balance checkbook, what do you expect? The poor man doesn't understand how that plastic card thingy can purchase things.
But he does comprehend rabbit pelts. They is tangible.
 
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