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409 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.
3. Don't cut your hair. Ever.
4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see
if he can find the perfect present, again!
5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an
answer you don't want to hear.
6. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.
7. Don't ask him what he's thinking about unless you are prepared
to discuss such topics as navel lent, the shotgun formation
and monster trucks.
8. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just
like every other cat.
9. Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.
10. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of
the tides. Let it be.
11. Shopping is not sport.
12. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
13. You have enough clothes.
14. You have too many shoes.
15. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us
to like it.
16. Your brother is an idiot, your ex-boyfriend is an idiot and
your Dad probably is too.
17. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
18. No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark
anniversaries on a calendar.
19. Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from
point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
20. Most guys own two to three pairs of shoes-what makes you think
we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would
look good with your dress?
21. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
22. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a
23. Your Mom doesn't have to be our best friend.
24. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
25. Check your oil.
26. Don't give us 50 rules when 25 will do.
27. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
28. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz
29. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an
argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
30. If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't
expect us to act like soap opera guys.
31. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of
the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
32. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know
how pretty you are?
33. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
34. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want
it done - not both.
35. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
36. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do
37. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right
to complain about having their boobs stared at.
38. Consider Bikes a mini-vacation from you. We need it, just like
you do.
39. Telling us that the models in the men's magazines are
airbrushed makes you look jealous and petty and it's certainly not
going to deter us from reading the magazines.
40. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first
two months we were going out.
41. Anyone can buy condoms.
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