Dear Mr. Ex President:
I recently saw a bumper sticker that said, "Thank me, I voted for Clinton-Gore." So, I sat down and reflected on that, and I am sending my "Thank you" for
what you have done, . . . specifically:
1. Thank you for introducing us to Jennifer Flowers, Paula Jones, Monica Lewinsky, Dolly Kyle Browning, Kathleen Willey, and Juanita Broderick. Did I leave anyone out?
2. Thank you for teaching my 8 year old about oral sex. I had really planned to wait until they were older to discuss it with them, but now they know more about it than I did as a senior in
3. Thank you for showing us that sexual harassment in the work place
(especially the White House) and on the job is OK, and all you have to know is what the meaning of "is" is. It really is great to know that certain sexual acts are not sex, and one person may have sex while the other one involved does NOT have
4. Thank you for reintroducing the concept of impeachment to a new generation
and demonstrating that the ridiculous plot of the movie "Wag the Dog" could be plausible
5. Thanks for making Jimmy Carter look competent, Gerald Ford look
graceful, Richard Nixon look honest, Lyndon Johnson look truthful, and John Kennedy look moral.
6. Thank you for the 73 House and Senate
witnesses who have pled the 5th Amendment
and 17 witnesses who have fled the country to avoid
testifying about Democratic campaign fund raising.
7. Thank you, for the 19 charges, 8 convictions, and 4 imprisonments from the Whitewater "mess" and the 55 criminal charges and 32 criminal convictions (so far) in the other
8. Thanks also for reducing our military by half,"gutting" much of our foreign policy, and flying all over the world on "vacations" carefully disguised as necessary trips.
9. Thank you, also, for "finding" millions of dollars of excess tax money.I really
didn't need it in the first place, and I can't think of a more well deserving group of recipients
for my hard-earned dollars than jet fuel for all of your globe-trotting. I understand you; the family and your cronies have logged in more time aboard Air Force One than any other administration.
10. Now that you've left the White House, thanks for the 140 pardons of convicted felons and indicted felons-in-exile. We will love to have them rejoin society.
11. Thanks also for removing the White House silverware, I'm sure that Laura Bush
didn't like the pattern anyway. Also, enjoy the housewarming gifts you've received from your "friends".
12. Thanks to you and your staff in the West Wing of the White House for vandalizing
and destroying government property on the way out. I also appreciate removing all of that excess weight (China, silverware, linen, towels, ash trays, soap, pens, magnetic compass, flight manuals, etc.) out of Air Force 1. The weight savings means burning less fuel, thus less tax dollars spent on jet fuel, thank you!
13. And finally, please ensure that Hillary enjoys the $8 million dollar advance for her upcoming "tell-all" book and you, Bill, the $5 million advance for your memoirs. Who says crime doesn't pay! God bless America and THANK YOU (once again) for spending my taxes so wisely and frugally.
Sincerely, A U.S. Citizen
P.S. Please pass along a special thank you to Al Gore for "inventing" the Internet without which I would not be able to send this wonderful letter.