Mechanic's Rant - Sportbike Forum: Sportbike Motorcycle Forums
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
post #1 of 15 (permalink) Old 02-12-2001, 06:26 AM Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2000
Posts: 178
My brother posted this to the CBR E-mail list and some thought it was funny, it's now posted on several sites.
You can find it and other cool articals at

Random thoughts from a bad day (what everyone should know BEFORE visiting their mechanic) by Justin "the wrench"

I've had a bad day, the following rant is a direct result. It is my small list of what pisses off your motorcycle mechanic. Many of which should be grounds for justifiable homicide. It's not exactly in list form, it's rather random.

If you have a Japanese bike, and you lose a bolt, please buy the correct size. Don't go down to Jims hardware and find one "close enough" that is SAE and hog it in there.

Don't add every electric gizmo you can find in a J.C. Whitney catalog to your bike then bring it to me to find out why it doesn't charge very well, why one turn signal blinks too fast and one too slow, the horn button makes the tail light go out, and the headlight is dim. You should have though of that before you added the microwave and espresso machine.

Along those same lines, if you do choose to install your own electrical gear, leave the friggin wire nuts in the tool box. You're not adding a 220 line for a stove, wire nuts are not the way to go. Solder and heat shrink is how it's done. Electrical tape is also worthless, but I will understand that not everyone wants to take the time to use heat shrink, but it better not be covering bare twisted wires, solder those bad boys!

If I remove a dry wall screw from your bike, you better have after market dry wall accessories. If it was screwed into plastic, I'm gonna hit you with a ball peen hammer.

Don't accuse me of the dumbest crimes known to man. True story, a guy drops his quad off to have the carb cleaned. Work goes off without a hitch. But I notice that all four tires are low. I don't fill them, I never do unless asked, some people prefer less pressure in their tires for traction. When the quad is picked up, the owner remarks, "hey the tires are low", I say, yes, would you like me to fill them? He says "They weren't like that when I dropped it off! Why did you guys lower my air pressure?" Well sir the tires on my CBR were running a few PSI low so I stole some of your air, I didn't think you'd notice. Damn, I got busted again.

If you have a problem, and you diagnose it, then decide the proper fix, please inform me of why you believe that fix is needed, if not, don't be surprised if it doesn't fix the problem. For example: Billy Bob notices a ticking noise when he is riding. He hears lots of talk about "valve adjustment" on the internet, so he decides that's his answer. Instead of dropping off the bike and saying, "find out whets ticking and stop it" He says" Please adjust my valves". Ok. So I adjust them. I take the bike for a test ride and notice a ticking sound, I make a note of it on his bill so he is aware of the problem, I think it's wheel bearing. He picks the bike up and is royally pissed. It still ticks! He approaches, with a very red face and asks why his bike still ticks after paying good money for a valve adjustment. Well sir, because, it wasn't here to have a tick fixed, it was here for a valve adjustment. I didn't know about the tick until after I was done and rode the bike. No, you don't get the valve adjustment for free, you asked for it and you got it. No I won't fix the bearing for free either.

How about this one. Guy spends the better part of an hour asking me questions about replacing his charging rotor on a CB750. How to diagnose it is the culprit, how to get to it, how to pull it, everything. After explaining it all to him, I mention that it's an easy job that only takes a few min, plus we have the puller that's is needed. it would only cost a few bucks to have us do it and he'd be back on his bike this afternoon. A shocked look comes over his face, he informs me that he doesn't trust mechanics to fix his bike. I guess he does trust their advice though. He would be calling later to have us do it, only now the threads of the shaft the rotors on will need repaired since he tried in vain to remove it without the special puller.

Hey, Elmer, how about you hose the at least the largest clumps of mud and cow manure off your quad before you bring it in for repair?

While we're at it, if your getting a tire change, try not to roll through any dog shit on your way to loading it in the truck.

"Gee whiz, I don't know why it won't start. It was running fine when I parked it three years ago. Maybe I need to spray more ether in there. The last mechanic that worked on it must have screwed something up."

If you call me three times to find out why your new machine won't run, don't be insulted if I ask you to make sure the engine switch is in the "on" position. If you have no luck, load the machine up and drive it to the shop, don't be mad at me if the switch is in fact switched to off.

Don't inform me that at my age, I really should be riding a different style of bike, should be married, or should have a different job. At your age you should be walking with a cane, want me to bust your knee cap?

If your in for a state inspection, please don't tell me you'd rather I didn't ride your bike. First of all, I can ride. I own a few bikes, have for a few years. I have my license to ride bikes, and I work all day with bikes. I ride dressers, Goldwings, sportbikes, choppers, sidecar rigs and three wheelers. Not only that but the law requires me to ride anything I put an inspection sticker on. If you don't want me to ride it, fine, I understand, but your not getting an inspection sticker, sorry.

This is getting kind of long, when I started, I figured I'd run out of them, but they could keep coming all night, so I'll stop now. Sorry, I needed to vent.


Fizzman is offline  
Sponsored Links
post #2 of 15 (permalink) Old 02-12-2001, 10:11 AM
Join Date: Nov 1999
Posts: 2,517

Wow, thatís good stuff from the other perspective. Just proves my theory that 90% of the general public are dumbarses
HondaNut! is offline  
post #3 of 15 (permalink) Old 02-12-2001, 11:43 AM
Join Date: Sep 1999
Posts: 1,408
Originally posted by HondaNut!
Wow, thatís good stuff from the other perspective. Just proves my theory that 90% of the general public are dumbarses
I'll second that
RedNinja is offline  
post #4 of 15 (permalink) Old 02-12-2001, 01:42 PM
Join Date: Nov 2000
Posts: 28
I had to send that to a friend of mine that works at a small local cycle shop. He's always ranting about people like you describe. Hilarious!
SprintSTpilot is offline  
post #5 of 15 (permalink) Old 02-12-2001, 02:02 PM
Join Date: Jun 2000
Posts: 5,474
RCjohn is offline  
post #6 of 15 (permalink) Old 02-12-2001, 05:04 PM
Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2000
Location: Salem, OR USA 97317
Posts: 263
LOL That's too good. I know were he's comeing from

Kyle M. Wilsonville, OR

"Big Dick's HARDCORE Road Racing School, where we drag more than our knees."
The_CB_Kid is offline  
post #7 of 15 (permalink) Old 02-13-2001, 08:50 AM
Join Date: Oct 2000
Posts: 122
That was funny.....but it is hard to find competent mechanics to work on todays sophisticated bikes.Dirtbiker Billy working on a $11,000 dollar highend sportbike is a nightmare that people have to deal with everyday.It took me 2 years of trial and error before I found a shop in metro Denver that could work on my bike without frukkin it up.
LEDSLED is offline  
post #8 of 15 (permalink) Old 02-13-2001, 11:01 AM
Join Date: Nov 1999
Posts: 6
Unhappy I can relate, but otoh.

I can really relate man.
On the other hand...our local Honda M/C dealer did a major
service on a friends dad' GL1000.As he rode up we noticed it
'smelled' hot.So did Dad.
What no coolant??? Duh! A real lame and potentially costly
Bikes ok though, whew.
Fast forward 10-15 yrs.
After 12 hrs. of shining and polishing my 87 Magna I take
the solid aluminum rear wheel down to same dealer for a new
tire (purchased from said dealer).When I pick it up...!!!
Some lame ass put flat spots on the rim bead in 4-5 places!
What no rim protectors!
My complaint was met with sarcastic "oh I'm so sorry".
A stop payment on the check failed to elicit Any response
from the dealer.I guess they would rather eat a $120.00
tire than a $300.00 wheel!
Last but not least,my newfound Honda dealer has a very well
respected service mgr.I trust him and the 1-2 real mechanics
they have.
Why they couldn't spot the deformed center groove on the tire causing my headshake I can't say.However,even though they didn't sell me the tire,they contacted the manufacturer
and arranged for a warranty replacement.
They've recieved ALL my M/C tire business since.
Of course when the service mgr. asked when I was going to
spend some money his way I explained that as an stationary
engineer I usually do my own work (mainly cause I like to)
but that when I inquired a month or so earlier about a thermostat replacement and coolant change,the 'kid' says "oh
we wait until it goes bad and overheats before we do that kind of job".
The mgr. winced.
I think the 'kid' is gone now or at least out of the service dept.
AerBorn1 is offline  
post #9 of 15 (permalink) Old 02-13-2001, 04:08 PM
Join Date: Jul 2000
Posts: 296

LMAO! Man, I can relate to that! It's no different in the car business! However, I think that the assumption that 90% of the general public being dumbarses...................
is a little low!
tech32 is offline  
post #10 of 15 (permalink) Old 02-13-2001, 09:36 PM
Join Date: Sep 2000
Posts: 2,166
I agree with Thomas.
Like my mom used to tell me, common sense isn't that common.
She also told me never to date a girl who pays her rent in singles. Also said that they bought me from the gypsies when I was a little hatchling and could take me back for a full refund.
funksouljon is offline  
Sponsored Links

Quick Reply

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Sportbike Forum: Sportbike Motorcycle Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

User Name:
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:


Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Linear Mode

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome