My brother posted this to the CBR E-mail list and some thought it was funny, it's now posted on several sites.
You can find it and other cool articals at http://www.cbr600f4.com
Random thoughts from a bad day (what everyone should know BEFORE visiting their mechanic) by Justin "the wrench"
I've had a bad day, the following rant is a direct result. It is my small list of what pisses off your motorcycle mechanic. Many of which should be grounds for justifiable homicide. It's not exactly in list form, it's rather random.
If you have a Japanese bike, and you lose a bolt, please buy the correct size. Don't go down to Jims hardware and find one "close enough" that is SAE and hog it in there.
Don't add every electric gizmo you can find in a J.C. Whitney catalog to your bike then bring it to me to find out why it doesn't charge very well, why one turn signal blinks too fast and one too slow, the horn button makes the tail light go out, and the headlight is dim. You should have though of that before you added the microwave and espresso machine.
Along those same lines, if you do choose to install your own electrical gear, leave the friggin wire nuts in the tool box. You're not adding a 220 line for a stove, wire nuts are not the way to go. Solder and heat shrink is how it's done. Electrical tape is also worthless, but I will understand that not everyone wants to take the time to use heat shrink, but it better not be covering bare twisted wires, solder those bad boys!
If I remove a dry wall screw from your bike, you better have after market dry wall accessories. If it was screwed into plastic, I'm gonna hit you with a ball peen hammer.
Don't accuse me of the dumbest crimes known to man. True story, a guy drops his quad off to have the carb cleaned. Work goes off without a hitch. But I notice that all four tires are low. I don't fill them, I never do unless asked, some people prefer less pressure in their tires for traction. When the quad is picked up, the owner remarks, "hey the tires are low", I say, yes, would you like me to fill them? He says "They weren't like that when I dropped it off! Why did you guys lower my air pressure?" Well sir the tires on my CBR were running a few PSI low so I stole some of your air, I didn't think you'd notice. Damn, I got busted again.
If you have a problem, and you diagnose it, then decide the proper fix, please inform me of why you believe that fix is needed, if not, don't be surprised if it doesn't fix the problem. For example: Billy Bob notices a ticking noise when he is riding. He hears lots of talk about "valve adjustment" on the internet, so he decides that's his answer. Instead of dropping off the bike and saying, "find out whets ticking and stop it" He says" Please adjust my valves". Ok. So I adjust them. I take the bike for a test ride and notice a ticking sound, I make a note of it on his bill so he is aware of the problem, I think it's wheel bearing. He picks the bike up and is royally pissed. It still ticks! He approaches, with a very red face and asks why his bike still ticks after paying good money for a valve adjustment. Well sir, because, it wasn't here to have a tick fixed, it was here for a valve adjustment. I didn't know about the tick until after I was done and rode the bike. No, you don't get the valve adjustment for free, you asked for it and you got it. No I won't fix the bearing for free either.
How about this one. Guy spends the better part of an hour asking me questions about replacing his charging rotor on a CB750. How to diagnose it is the culprit, how to get to it, how to pull it, everything. After explaining it all to him, I mention that it's an easy job that only takes a few min, plus we have the puller that's is needed. it would only cost a few bucks to have us do it and he'd be back on his bike this afternoon. A shocked look comes over his face, he informs me that he doesn't trust mechanics to fix his bike. I guess he does trust their advice though. He would be calling later to have us do it, only now the threads of the shaft the rotors on will need repaired since he tried in vain to remove it without the special puller.
Hey, Elmer, how about you hose the at least the largest clumps of mud and cow manure off your quad before you bring it in for repair?
While we're at it, if your getting a tire change, try not to roll through any dog shit on your way to loading it in the truck.
"Gee whiz, I don't know why it won't start. It was running fine when I parked it three years ago. Maybe I need to spray more ether in there. The last mechanic that worked on it must have screwed something up."
If you call me three times to find out why your new machine won't run, don't be insulted if I ask you to make sure the engine switch is in the "on" position. If you have no luck, load the machine up and drive it to the shop, don't be mad at me if the switch is in fact switched to off.
Don't inform me that at my age, I really should be riding a different style of bike, should be married, or should have a different job. At your age you should be walking with a cane, want me to bust your knee cap?
If your in for a state inspection, please don't tell me you'd rather I didn't ride your bike. First of all, I can ride. I own a few bikes, have for a few years. I have my license to ride bikes, and I work all day with bikes. I ride dressers, Goldwings, sportbikes, choppers, sidecar rigs and three wheelers. Not only that but the law requires me to ride anything I put an inspection sticker on. If you don't want me to ride it, fine, I understand, but your not getting an inspection sticker, sorry.
This is getting kind of long, when I started, I figured I'd run out of them, but they could keep coming all night, so I'll stop now. Sorry, I needed to vent.