How to be a good democrat - Sportbike Forum: Sportbike Motorcycle Forums
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post #1 of 19 (permalink) Old 02-27-2008, 05:02 AM Thread Starter
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How to be a good democrat

In a way this should go under jokes, but some of them are pretty good points.

22 WAYS TO BE A GOOD DEMOCRAT. THIS IS NOT SO HARD, EVEN A CAVE MAN CAN DO IT....


1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.


2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.


3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding citizens are more of a threat than U.S. Nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese and North Korean communists.


4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.


5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by scientifically documented cyclical changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUV's.


6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial, but being homosexual is natural.


7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding..


8. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach fourth graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.


9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do.

10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.


11. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money to make The Passion of the Christ for financial gain only.


12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.


13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.


14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Edison, and A.G. Bell.

15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.


16. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and is a very nice person.


1 7. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.


18. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and a sex offender belonged in the White House.


19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.


20. You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the Chinese Government is somehow in the best interest to the United States.


21. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, right wing conspiracy.


22. You have to believe that it's okay to give Federal workers off on Christmas Day but it's not okay to say 'Merry Christmas.'

"The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets."
-Will Rogers
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post #2 of 19 (permalink) Old 02-27-2008, 06:50 AM
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How to be a Good Republican

How to be a good Republican:

1. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread because people are evil and should be punished.

2. You have to believe that the evolution is a myth that shouldn't be taught in schools, despite the evidence of biochemistry and the fossil record.

3. You have to believe that global temperatures are completely unaffected by fossil fuel emissions, that the best way to save the national forests is to allow logging companies to cut down old-growth timber, and the best way to save endangered species is to allow trophy hunters and wildlife traders to import more of them.

4. You have to believe that homosexuality is evil (despite the fact that it occurs in nature) and that women should stay at home to cook and bear children.

5. You have to be against abortion but support capital punishment.

6. You have to believe that businesses never purposely hurt anyone to make money.

7. You have to believe that inherited wealth is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

8. You have to believe that war is an acceptable solution to any economic or social problem.

9. You have to believe that everyone should support the troops - except when it comes to paying them.

10. You have to believe the NRA is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

11. You have to believe that taxes are for poor and middle class people, not the rich.

12. You have to believe that Ann Coulter is normal and really a very nice person.

13. You have to believe that the only reason supply-side economics hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.

14. You have to believe liberals telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and draft-dodger belongs in the White House.

15. You have to believe that the Ten Commandments should be displayed in every public building regardless of the fact that not everyone in America is a Christian.

16. You have to believe that illegal Republican Party funding by corporations is somehow in the best interest of the United States.

17. You have to believe that the media are biased toward liberals, despite the fact that all the major media outlets are owned by ultra-rich conservatives.

18. You have to believe that the agricultural, restaurant, housing and hotel industries can survive without immigrant labor.

19. You have to believe that only your own teenagers are still virgins.

20. Support a Republican president even if he starts wars he can’t finish, spends taxpayer money like a drunken sailor, has us mired in the largest deficit ever, and can’t pronounce the word “nuclear.”

"Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life son." - Vernon Wormer.- Dean, Faber College.
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post #3 of 19 (permalink) Old 02-27-2008, 07:14 AM
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There must be a "How to be a Good Libertarian" list around somewhere....

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post #4 of 19 (permalink) Old 02-27-2008, 07:33 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zxrider View Post
How to be a good Republican:

7. You have to believe that inherited wealth is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

11. You have to believe that taxes are for poor and middle class people, not the rich.

17. You have to believe that the media are biased toward liberals, despite the fact that all the major media outlets are owned by ultra-rich conservatives.


I should have expected those would be in there somewhere

"The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets."
-Will Rogers
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post #5 of 19 (permalink) Old 02-27-2008, 11:21 AM
 
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Question here, and not trying to spark an argument. When and where does homosexuality occur in nature?
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post #6 of 19 (permalink) Old 02-27-2008, 12:07 PM
 
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Vegas: All the damn time, in virtually every species out there.

On the original topic. To be a good liberal you have to believe that perfection is possible, and at least someone should strive to achieve it. In order to be a good conservative you have to believe that perfect is the enemy of good. Everything else flows from there.

Kanwisch: A while back you made a wish about this election cycle. Looks like its coming true.



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post #7 of 19 (permalink) Old 02-27-2008, 05:07 PM
 
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Specifics? Examples?
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post #8 of 19 (permalink) Old 02-27-2008, 06:18 PM Thread Starter
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Growing up on a farm, I raised many different kinds of animals. When I was in High school, I had to have some sort of "project" for the summer in order to get the additional credit from my ag class. I raised a dairy feeder, and incidentally the same year my sister was raising a beef steer. So I went outside one day to feed the cattle, only to find the feeder calf was sucking on something that the steer should have been paying him for if you know what I mean. Does that count as homosexuality?

"The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets."
-Will Rogers
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post #9 of 19 (permalink) Old 02-27-2008, 11:06 PM
 
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11. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money to make The Passion of the Christ for financial gain only.


Actually... I do. Just because he funded the film doesn't mean it was to get any sort of word out. Actually, it is more likely that he wanted to make the movie, and couldn't find the funding due to a bad script, and either had to fund it himself or trash the whole idea. This happens frequently, and no one thinks anything of it. Make it a religious movie, and you always end up with some religious nutjob that truly believes his only motivation was "spreading the word".
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post #10 of 19 (permalink) Old 02-28-2008, 03:26 AM
 
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Have you never seen two male dogs go at it? Or deer?

Kanwisch: I can probably come up with a list for the Libertarian party (You have to believe that ron paul understands economics) but something tells me that is not what you are looking for.



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