Why I have not been jumping at the Bandit or SV650 threads recently
Hi, all. Those folks on this board who pay attention, know that I am not a post whore, but I rarely pass a chance to voice my opinion on the bikes I own. I like to think that my contributions to this board are helpful and insightful, and I very much care about this community.
Last Friday night, my wife of 6 years had brought up a subject of separation, and possibly of divorce. This did not come up during a fight over who should wash the dishes, or during the argument whether trash needs to be taken out. She got home after an evening shift, and since all the kids were already asleep, asked me to make some tea and that we talk. Less than half an hour into the conversation about the tension she had felt as of late, she dropped the bombshell on me. That was not a spur of the moment decision, you see. She has been slowly preparing me for it for a few weeks, only I was too blind to catch the hints.
Now you may say: "So what, a lot of people voice their frustration by threatening divorce to their spouse". I really would like to believe that the threat was meant as a wake up call to me to start paying attention to what she is saying, about how poorly we communicate, in particular. The tone of her voice, however, reflects so much certainty, that knowing how effective my wife is about the execution of her ideas when she reaches a conclusion, frankly, put a chill in my heart.
I hate becoming another statistic. This country has a high enough divorce rate already. More importantly, I can't stand to think that my kids would not be able to spend family time with both parents around.
I know that I have not been the greatest husband a woman could have. I know I am not a perfect human being. I admit that I have slacked somewhat in some aspects at work and at home. Romantic life had definitely suffered, mostly due to the fact that we have four children, and both of us work many hours, with late evening work schedules at that. At the same time, I have fully supported my wife's decision to go back to school, taking charge of many household tasks in order to give her time to work and study. She never had to worry about me stumbling home drunk a few times a month or wonder why I "stay at work late" into the nights and come home smelling of another woman.
I feel betrayed and lost now, because I really don't know anymore what a man can do to keep his wife happy. I've been more than careful to avoid the stereotypical shovinistic approach to the marriage, and regularly assisted with the household tasks that men of old or from my native Russia wouldn't be caught dead doing. Is it possible that my Father was right after all saying that marriage cannot work without the man asserting control over all the aspects of the household? I really don't know anymore...