Last week, I took some guests, that were visiting from out of town to the Carter Presidential Center. Now, I’m no fan of President Carter, but these people wanted to go there. So my wife and I start walking through the museum and I’m looking around and commenting on the ridiculousness of a “Carter Museum.” I didn’t want to waste my time there to begin with, so I’m making it known to anybody within earshot. About two thirds of the way through, I start to rehearse “The Carter’s an Idiot Address” (no offense to you fans of Jimmy!). I was having a grand time verbally ripping and shredding on every piece of memorabilia and documentation I saw. Then I start into my spiel about Democrats (no party loyalty here), and how President Carter almost put our country in economic collapse. Well I’m just talkin’ all sorts of smack, when I turn around and I’m staring at Jimmy and Rosalyn Carter right in the face…NO SHIT! They were standing directly behind us!!! I must have turned 100 shades of stupid, and I stared for what seemed like hours! After all of my preaching and eloquent prose, the only words I could muster were “what’s up?”
Holy Shit…I choked!!! Here I am, staring the ex-President of the United States right in the eyes! Here’s my chance to have an honest conversation with the guy, and all I can do is sputter, “what’s up?” He asked if we were enjoying the visit, and my wife politely pushed me back as she answered his question. My wife later confessed that she wanted to vomit…she was that humiliated!
It’s a good thing that my verbal expressions weren’t threatening as I may have learned the Tazer Dance from his two Secret Service goons. I guess they have offices there where they spend a couple of days a week! I had no idea.
“You know, that same black van that’s been following us all day is sitting in front of the house.”
HA HA HA!!!!!