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post #1 of 17 (permalink) Old 04-20-2002, 10:15 PM Thread Starter
 
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Talking A survey of spanking

Hello everyone, this is Psyche. I'm currently using Vypir's name because his computer won't let me log in under my own name.

Anyways, as a research project for one of my classes at school I needed to find a diverse assortment of people to answer questions on the topic of spanking children.

If I could get a few of you to take a couple of minutes to answer my questions I would really appreciate it (there are only 11).

Thank you very much


Psyche




1. Do you have a family history of spanking (monkeys don't count)?



2. How does your form of discipline differ from your parents?



3. Did your parents use an alternative style of punishment instead of spanking and time out?



4. What form of discipline worked best with you as a child?



5. What form of discipline was the most ineffective?



6. If you don't spank your children, why?



7. What would be an effective time length for grounding or time out?



8. What should be the time duration between the action and the punishment?



9. When does corporal punishment end and abuse begin?



10. Is spanking in any other area other than the bottom still considered a spanking?



11. Should state governments step in and regulate effective family discipline?



If you have any other comments you would like to add:




Thanks again everyone
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post #2 of 17 (permalink) Old 04-21-2002, 07:07 AM
 
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1. Yes, I got spankings as needed as a kid.
2. I try to talk a little more first. (Kid's only one though )
3. No
4. taking away desired object or activity for a time
5. Talking/yelling
6. I will as needed
7. depends on situation and/or severity of 'crime'.
8. ASAP!
9. When you have anger incorporated. You should never disipline when angry.
10. Hmmm, slapping hands for touching something??? Never slap in the face IMO.
11. HELL NO!! The govt. has no business in my personal life!


~~~~I agree that if there are obvious signs of child abuse (reports, injury, bruising, etc.) there should be an investigation, but for the most part, I think the govt. is already too controlling in our -so called- free nation.
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post #3 of 17 (permalink) Old 04-21-2002, 06:59 PM
 
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Re: A survey of spanking

1. Yep. Very old fashion in our family.
2. Pretty much teh same as when we were kids.
3. Other than grounding, not many.
4. Spanking.
5. Time out or sit in corner.
6. If I had them, they would get spanked.
7. 2-4weeks.
8. pretty much immediately.
9. hard to say. a 20 minute spanking for spilling milk on teh rug would be abuse. A 20 minute spanking for swinging at you mother would be punishment.
10. Well a light open handed smack or thump on teh back of the head works well too.
11. Nope. The goverment stepping in is the main reason kids are like this nowadays. They know they cant be "spanked" anymore and call teh police now.
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post #4 of 17 (permalink) Old 04-21-2002, 09:31 PM
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Re: A survey of spanking

Thanks for the post, Psyche. It'll be interesting to see what the rest of the word has to say.

1. Oh, yes.

2. I'm more inclined to listen to the kid's side of the story first. Then I evaluate the given information, and decide if the action warrants discipline or spanking. That is, unless they're caught red handed (busted at the scene of the crime)....

3. Yes. The fear factor: "Just wait until your dad gets home...", and the shame factor/guilt trip combo: "I expected better from you. But, oh well...I guess I'm just a bad parent".

4. Spanking when I was small, grounding when I was older.

5. Yelling and name calling.

6. They're old enough to know better, now. But they did get swats on the butt here and there when they were smaller.

7. It depends.

8. At the time of the action.

9. When the parent loses control, and forgets why they're punishing to begin with. Aka: anger

10. Yes.

11. No.
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post #5 of 17 (permalink) Old 04-21-2002, 11:44 PM
 
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UH, did someone say free spankings????

1. Do you have a family history of spanking? ~ yes

2. How does your form of discipline differ from your parents? ~ I try to get spanked as often as possible. Actually no kids here.

3. Did your parents use an alternative style of punishment instead of spanking and time out? ~ Other than grounding and TONS of chores? No.

4. What form of discipline worked best with you as a child? ~ Taking away my play time and substituting with chores.

5. What form of discipline was the most ineffective? ~ The spanking. It never hurt, personally.

6. If you don't spank your children, why? ~ Uh don't have any, but if/when I do if they earn one they're getting one.

7. What would be an effective time length for grounding or time out? ~ Depends on the *crime*

8. What should be the time duration between the action and the punishment? ~ Immediately. Just like with animals (not saying people are animals) they must associate the punishment with something they've done wrong. Young children have short memories and short attention spans. The sooner you nail them the better you are at preventing it from happening again. (In theory)

9. When does corporal punishment end and abuse begin? ~ The second the child stops respecting their parents and starts fearing them.

10. Is spanking in any other area other than the bottom still considered a spanking? ~ Hands and bottom are ok. Anywhere else I consider to be WRONG.

11. Should state governments step in and regulate effective family discipline? ~ No, hell no. The government is not in charge of raising someone's child so why should they have a say in the discipline of said child. If the government wants to tell people how to raise their children then the government should raise the children themselves and give the parents a free trip to Australia.


Soooooo, do I get a spanking for answering the questions???? J/K
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post #6 of 17 (permalink) Old 04-21-2002, 11:45 PM
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Re: A survey of spanking

1. Do you have a family history of spanking (monkeys don't count)?

Yes.

2. How does your form of discipline differ from your parents?

I don't have any kids.

3. Did your parents use an alternative style of punishment instead of spanking and time out?

No.

4. What form of discipline worked best with you as a child?

Being grounded from my dirtbike/motorcycle.

5. What form of discipline was the most ineffective?

Spanking.

6. If you don't spank your children, why?

I don't have any children. But when I do, I do not plan on spanking them as it had no affect on me when I was a child.

7. What would be an effective time length for grounding or time out?

Depends on the offence.

8. What should be the time duration between the action and the punishment?

A.S.A.P.

9. When does corporal punishment end and abuse begin?

I don't know.

10. Is spanking in any other area other than the bottom still considered a spanking?

No.

11. Should state governments step in and regulate effective family discipline?

No.

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post #7 of 17 (permalink) Old 04-21-2002, 11:54 PM
 
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Re: A survey of spanking

1. Do you have a family history of spanking (monkeys don't count)?

I was spanked as a kid. My sister was spanked as a kid. The spanking ended when we were 6.

2. How does your form of discipline differ from your parents?

Spanking is a form of violence and the strenght of an adult is abusive. As I learned from a counselor in school teaching family management that actually the sound of "spanking' is a lot more scarier to a child than the actual physical spanking. Holding a child's hand in your own and slapping your own wrist is enough to discipline the child. ITs worked so far.



3. Did your parents use an alternative style of punishment instead of spanking and time out?

Yeah, after age 6, if we caused trouble, they immediately left the store, or kept us in our room till we apologized or calmed down. With nothing to do in a bedroom save for homework, its easy enough to keep a child disciplined.



4. What form of discipline worked best with you as a child?

No allowance



5. What form of discipline was the most ineffective?

Giving in to the child's crying or whining.



6. If you don't spank your children, why?

See answer #2. Spanking is a form of violence. We are stronger than our children and we can do more harm by hitting them.



7. What would be an effective time length for grounding or time out?

Depending on the age. 30 minutes is good for a time out. Grounding would be determined by what kind of activities they would like to do.




8. What should be the time duration between the action and the punishment?

Once it starts happening, discipline should be administered. Do not wait. If the child starts crying or whining, and you tell him/her to stop and they dont. Immediately remove your self and child from the situation, by taking them home or if the case you cannot, put them in a corner for some "quiet" time.



9. When does corporal punishment end and abuse begin?

Anytime you show any physical violence in front or to your child, its corporal punishment.



10. Is spanking in any other area other than the bottom still considered a spanking?

Yes. YOu are physically hurting your child. Whether you hit them on their hand or on their but you are punishing your child in a violent way.

11. Should state governments step in and regulate effective family discipline?

If people still resort to spanking as a form of discipline, then govt should have no say in it. But when that form of discipline is borderline abuse, then govt should step in.



If you have any other comments you would like to add:


Although I was spanked when I was a child, it was at a time when it wasn't viewed as a "bad thing' today, however, it is shown that we are instillign a fear in our children because spanking is a form of violence. We do not teach our children to respect others by being violent to them.




Thanks again everyone [/B][/QUOTE]
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post #8 of 17 (permalink) Old 04-22-2002, 08:17 AM
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Re: A survey of spanking

Quote:
1. Do you have a family history of spanking (monkeys don't count)?
Yes.



Quote:
2. How does your form of discipline differ from your parents?
No kids yet, but I believe the way my parents disciplined me was effective.



Quote:
3. Did your parents use an alternative style of punishment instead of spanking and time out?
Punishment depended on the "crime." Spankings were #2 behind taking away one of my toys. I never got "time out," and I was only ever grounded twice.



Quote:
4. What form of discipline worked best with you as a child?
As I am very, very adept at self-punishment, my parents didn't need to do much. The worst was when they took away one of my favorite stuffed animals.



Quote:
5. What form of discipline was the most ineffective?
Trying to "make" me feel sorry for something I'd said or done that I wasn't sorry for, like calling someone else a mean name. Rationalizing with me when I knew I was right.



Quote:
6. If you don't spank your children, why?
N/A



Quote:
7. What would be an effective time length for grounding or time out?
Depends on the offense.



Quote:
8. What should be the time duration between the action and the punishment?
As soon as the offense is discovered and all pertinent information/offense is gathered.



Quote:
9. When does corporal punishment end and abuse begin?
I'm not quite sure, but I believe spankings are meant to sting and get a child's attention, not to hurt them badly. I guess it depends on the intent of the disciplinarian. If they are spanking for the purpose of pain, just to satiate their own anger, then I would judge that to be abuse. If it was like what my parents did, not usually more than 5 "whacks" that didn't hurt but stung and got my attention, then I judge that to be punishment and not abuse.



Quote:
10. Is spanking in any other area other than the bottom still considered a spanking?
I suppose so, but my parents only ever used the bottom.



Quote:
11. Should state governments step in and regulate effective family discipline?
That's a double-edged blade. On the one hand, they need to step in and take a child away from abusive families. On the other hand, I think the government has WAY overstepped it's bounds and is defining abuse in too broad a sense.



Quote:
If you have any other comments you would like to add:
Interesting to note: My sister was ADHD as a child, (truly, not just a spirited child that was mis-diagnosed), it has now developed into full-blown bi-polar disorder. (If you ever do a study on manic depression, have VYPIR drop me an e-mail, I'd be happy to share my experiences on that one). All the discipline that worked on me had no effect on her. Where a swat on the butt worked very well on me, my sister would hit back or bite or kick my parents. The only thing that had any effect was to put her in time out in a corner away from everything. Even that punishment lost it's effectiveness around 2nd grade. These experiences have led me to believe that punishment should not only fit the crime, but the child as well.

Last edited by elo; 04-22-2002 at 08:19 AM.
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post #9 of 17 (permalink) Old 04-22-2002, 09:41 AM
 
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1. Do you have a family history of spanking (monkeys don't count)?

My dad took a belt to me once, a preschool teacher once washed my mouth out with soap after telling a teacher to F-herself. (Didn't know what it meant, just that it wasn't very nice). A few good swats here and there, but no history of regular spanking.



2. How does your form of discipline differ from your parents?

I fully believe in making any child responsible for their actions. We live in a society that is all about passing the buck and pointing blame elsewhere. Look at Clinton. What a role model. He outright lies to the public, then when he finally "comes clean" he STILL won't actually come out and just say it.

I have no children yet, but when I do, I will make them responsible. Don't pick up your toys the FIRST time you're told to? Fine, I'll pick them up.... and I'll put them up high in my room, and the child simply WILL NOT get them back for a week or more. If that doesn't work, I've got no problem beating a child's ass. If it leaves a mark it's gone too far, but up until that point.... a good healthy ass whoopin' when the child desperately needs it builds respect.



3. Did your parents use an alternative style of punishment instead of spanking and time out?

Yea, my mom counted. What a joke. 2... 3.... 3 and a half.... whatever. I remember being 5 or 6 and her doing that, and even then I thought to myself "why don't you just come over here and spank me if you want it done so bad". All that counting crap really told me was - hey you don't have to mind NOW because I said so... you can mind whenever you get around to it, and I'm really not serious about you minding or I'd have beat your ass by now.


4. What form of discipline worked best with you as a child?

The belt and the soap. I REALLY hate soap. I didn't say another dirty word for years.



5. What form of discipline was the most ineffective?

Counting and making stuipid idol threats. Or mom just repeatedly telling me to sit down and mind or whatever. Mom: "Get a clue! I'm NOT listening to you, I DON'T respect you, and I could give a RATS ASS if you want me to sit down.. .I'm busy having my own way right now... so you just keep wasting your breath".

The most ineffective form of them all though... is to try and "reason" with your child. Trying to "make a deal" with them. How many times have I been in a store and had a parent ask "will you quit running around the store if I buy you a toy?" WHAT THE F*CK IS UP WITH THAT???? How about "Son, plant your ass or you won't have one".... and if that child takes more than about 2.8 seconds to respond, I'll show him exactly what I'm talking about. Children do not reason. The child is looking to YOU for the reasoning, not making them figure it out... or manipulate it as the case often is.


6. If you don't spank your children, why?

Why any adult allows their child to put that "feel sorry for me and don't spake me because it's mean" on them is beyond me. These parents are the same morrons that buy laundry detergent from late night infomercials. YOU are the adult, YOU are in charge. A child will ALWAYS test their boundrys.... and believe it or not (to all the whipped liberal tree hugger parents out there... no offense) it builds the child's comfort when they know where the boundaries are. Children NEED that security, and you as a parent MUST inforce it.


7. What would be an effective time length for grounding or time out?

Until I made my point. Biggest thing here is to NEVER go back on a punishment. On the other hand, don't give out rediculous punishment that both parent and child know will NEVER happen. For example, if I tell my kid they can't play after school for a week because they came home late and missed supper... you can damn well bet that come friday, I'm not going to let junior go out and play anyway just because it's friday. Tough sh*t. I'll put him in his window so he can watch the OTHER kids play.

I think grounding shouldn't last more than a day or two for little kids, and a week or two for older kids. Timeout.... however long it takes for them to stop whining and crying and compose themselves... plus about 50% more time. If you let the kid out of timeout as soon as there is a 2 second pause in crying, the kid now thinks "Hey, all I gotta do is cry and I'm scott free".


8. What should be the time duration between the action and the punishment?

About a quarter of a second. How ever long it takes for me to cock my and and bust the kid sqare in the rear. That's the "wake up call". Then I'd send the kid to their room or whatever, and I'd come in about 10-30 minutes later to talk to them, dish out some sort of chores, or do some more spaking if the situation calls for it.


9. When does corporal punishment end and abuse begin?

If you leave a mark on the child, cause some sort of actual physical harm to the child, or WHENVER PUNISHMENT IS NOT DONE FAIRLY. In order to punish a child, it must be fare for the crime. You can't spank a child till' they can't sit down for taking an extra cookie out of the jar. A good punishment for the cookie would simply be "no sweets for 2 days".

It is clearly abuse if you need to spank the child daily. If you can't make the right impression with occasional spankings only when absolutely needed, then maybe the parent should take a look and figure out why the child trys to walk all over them.


10. Is spanking in any other area other than the bottom still considered a spanking?

Woops... misread the question. << edit >> .

Spankings should be kept to the rear end. Absolutely nothing around the face (unless the child REALLY smarts off... then a slap on the cheek is fine).



11. Should state governments step in and regulate effective family discipline?

What??? HELL NO. The federal gov't can There are penty of people in gov't that already tell me as an American that my consitutional right to carry a firearm to protect myself and those that I love doesn't apply to me. Think I'm going to let them step into my family aslo? Have you ever acutally dealt with anyone in any government office? So what's the regulation? Is Hillary Clinton going to open a facility where I take my child when they are bad, submit a book of paperwork, apply for a licnence, pay a fee, then let the public opinion on the evening news tell me whether or not I can spank my child?

Sounds rediculous, but the gov't is a big snowball. I'm not going to open up the damn rule book published by the crooks in gov't getting kick back money to review the 'approved' proceedure for child raising.



If you have any other comments you would like to add:

I honestly think America is going to shit fast because of the HORRIBLE parenting of our yong people. You've got 12 year olds popping out babies. These kids raise themselves with no boundaries what so ever. Why the hell is it that American's scratch their heads and wonder why kids have no respect for themselves or anyone else??

Children love and look up to their parents. You are not spanking to 'beat down' the child. You are doing so to bring them up. If you truely love your children, you will never go over the line on them. But again, if you love your child, you will shape them into respectable young people who can do some good in the world and make a life for themselves.

Effecive spanking only happens a couple times in a child's life, because it makes an impression. Little wimpey ass stuff or threats of punishment every 3 seconds and the kid just drowns it out. I once was around a lady for quite some time who had a 3 yr old. All that lady did was scream his name... like every couple seconds... and injected "Do you want a spanking?" about every 15 seconds. Smith did what ever the hell he wanted to and didn't even look at mommey... because he had completely tuned her out after 3 years of her yelling at him. I think both parent AND child needed a good ass whooping in this case.

I remember the belt and a bar of soap. Hey, it worked, along with some fairly good parenting all around... I generally respected my parents.... once the respect is there, they so is a happy and obedient child. One lady I know carried a wooden spoon in her purse. 4 yr old little brother messed up and she beat him good with it until the handle broke. 5 yr old big brother watched. She replaced the spoon with a new one and kept it in her purse. Any time the children would even think about getting out of line, she'd reach to her puse and they snapped back into line. They were a good and loving family with very nice respectable children. That ass whooping with the spoon was well worth it.

Last edited by JestersPlace; 04-22-2002 at 10:37 AM.
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post #10 of 17 (permalink) Old 04-22-2002, 09:59 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by JestersPlace
I honestly think America is going to shit fast because of the HORRIBLE parenting of our yong people. You've got 12 year olds popping out babies. These kids raise themselves with no boundaries what so ever. Why the hell is it that American's scratch their heads and wonder why kids have no respect for themselves or anyone else??

Children love and look up to their parents. You are not spanking to 'beat down' the child. You are doing so to bring them up. If you truely love your children, you will never go over the line on them. But again, if you love your child, you will shape them into respectable young people who can do some good in the world and make a life for themselves.

Effecive spanking only happens a couple times in a child's life, because it makes an impression. Little wimpey ass stuff or threats of punishment every 3 seconds and the kid just drowns it out. I once was around a lady for quite some time who had a 3 yr old. All that lady did was scream his name... like every couple seconds... and injected "Do you want a spanking?" about every 15 seconds. Smith did what ever the hell he wanted to and didn't even look at mommey... because he had completely tuned her out after 3 years of her yelling at him. I think both parent AND child needed a good ass whooping in this case.

I remember the belt and a bar of soap. Hey, it worked, along with some fairly good parenting all around... I generally respected my parents.... once the respect is there, they so is a happy and obedient child. One lady I know carried a wooden spoon in her purse. 4 yr old little brother messed up and she beat him good with it until the handle broke. 5 yr old big brother watched. She replaced the spoon with a new one and kept it in her purse. Any time the children would even think about getting out of line, she'd reach to her puse and they snapped back into line. They were a good and loving family with very nice respectable children. That ass whooping with the spoon was well worth it.


RIGHT~ON!
Its so good to hear that there are still some good thinkin people in this country!
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