Clips from real resumes and cover letters - Sportbike Forum: Sportbike Motorcycle Forums
 
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post #1 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-05-2006, 04:11 AM Thread Starter
 
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Clips from real resumes and cover letters

THESE ARE TAKEN FROM REAL RESUMES AND COVER LETTERS AND WERE PRINTED IN THE JULY 21,1997 ISSUE OF FORTUNE MAGAZINE.

1. “I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.”

2. “I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computer and spreasheet progroms.”

3. “Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.”

4. “Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.”

5. “Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.”

6. “Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.”

7. “It’s best for employers that I not work with people.”

8. “Let’s meet, so you can ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ over my experience.”

9. “You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.”

10. “Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.”

11. “I was working for my mom until she decided to move.”

12. “Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments.’

13. “I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.”

14. “I am loyal to my employer at all costs....Please feel free to respond to my respond on my

office voice mail.”

15. “I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing.”

16. “My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology. I suppose I

should try stock brokerage.”

17. “I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant.”

18. “Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.”

19. “As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments.”

20. “Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.”

21. “Note: Please don’t misconstrue my 14 jobs as job hopping I have never quit a job.”

22. “Marital status: often. Children: various.”

23. “Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 5:45 am every

morning. I couldn’t work under those conditions.”

24. “The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.”

25. “Finished eighth in my class often.”

26. “References: none. I’ve left a path of destruction behind me.”
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post #2 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-05-2006, 07:18 AM
 
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LMAO What the hell is wrong with people today?
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post #3 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-05-2006, 07:23 AM
 
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i cant tell you how many of these (or versions of) that I have actually seen on resumes!
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post #4 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-05-2006, 08:35 AM
 
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I really like #26.
It is how I feel.
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post #5 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-05-2006, 08:38 AM
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You know I think a lot of these resume inaccuracies/errors are due to immigrant workers. Not trying to pick on them or anything but they come to this country not even able to speak English and send out resume's like these, what do you expect from someone who can't even speak our native language, proper grammar? Right. Now the other highlights are down right funny.
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post #6 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-05-2006, 10:28 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by tikki50
You know I think a lot of these resume inaccuracies/errors are due to immigrant workers. Not trying to pick on them or anything but they come to this country not even able to speak English and send out resume's like these, what do you expect from someone who can't even speak our native language, proper grammar? Right. Now the other highlights are down right funny.
I'd have to disagree that theory.
Majority of the ones I see seem to be authored by true blooded americans (if there is such a thing anymore)

another tip should be to use a generic email on your resume not one like [email protected]
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post #7 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-05-2006, 10:35 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by tikki50
You know I think a lot of these resume inaccuracies/errors are due to immigrant workers. Not trying to pick on them or anything but they come to this country not even able to speak English and send out resume's like these, what do you expect from someone who can't even speak our native language, proper grammar? Right. Now the other highlights are down right funny.
I'd have to disagree as well. My experience has been that those kind of errors are most often made by people who are simply stupid and/or ignorant. Race/creed/country of origin doesn't seem to have that much to do with it.

BTW- the 14 gallons of blood one was hysterical!!
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post #8 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-05-2006, 11:19 AM
 
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Quote:
Marital status: often. Children: various.”





Jen
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post #9 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-05-2006, 12:37 PM
 
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I agree with Steve... As a recruiter I see mistakes like these all the time...from those born and bred in the US of A
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