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post #1 of 23 (permalink) Old 10-12-2005, 09:55 AM Thread Starter
 
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Glad I'm a guy...

This email i got was way too funny not to post up here.
-guru

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of
> easy, painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and
> now...the wax.
>
> My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner,
> play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully
> in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit

> out of the medicine cabinet." So I headed to the site of my demise:
> the bathroom. It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump
> of hot wax; you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get
> warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever
> else) and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can
> it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough

> to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)
>
> So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other
> stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in
> so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax,"
> yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around
> it tight and pull. It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it

> wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am
> She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin
> extraordinaire.
>
> With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I
> sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting
> championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.
> Using the same procedure, I apply the was strip across the right side
> of my bikini line, covering the right half of my vagina and stretching

> down to the inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long strip) I
> inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!
>
> I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!! Vision
> returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip.
>
> CRAP!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP!! Everything is swirly and
> spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...Do I hear
> crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.
>
> I want to see my trophy - a wax-covered strip, the one that has caused
> me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in

> the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!
> There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???
>
> Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see
> the hair. The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching

> wax. CRAP! I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body,
> which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair.
>
> Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped
> up on the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot
> down. DAMN!!!!!!!! I hear the slamming of a cell door. Vagina? Sealed
> shut! Butt?? Sealed shut!
>
> I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and
> think to myself, "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head
> may pop off!" What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water
> melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub,
> get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can

> gently wipe it off, right???
>
> *WRONG!!!!!!!*
>
> I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to
> torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now,

> the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together,
> is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the
> tub...in scalding hot water.....which, by the way, doesn't melt cold
> wax. So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had
> cement-epoxied myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had
> convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!
>
> I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some
> secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter,

> "So, my butt and who-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"
> There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for
> removal, but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to
> know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or hole
> or who-ha?" She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give
> her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the
> box.
>
> YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night. While
> we go through various solutions, I resort to scraping the wax off with

> a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered

> in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water, and then
> dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working;
> dignity has taken a major hike; and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need
> Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.
>
> My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving
> grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I
> really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!!
>
> The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my
> friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. "IT WORKS!! It
> works!!" I get a hearty congratulation from my friend, and she hangs
> up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to
> my grief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF
> IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.
>
> So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I
> could have amputated my own leg at this point.
>
> Next week I'm going to try hair color......
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post #2 of 23 (permalink) Old 10-12-2005, 10:07 AM
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I'm too lazy to read all that...but I'll take your word that it's funny.


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post #3 of 23 (permalink) Old 10-12-2005, 02:56 PM
 
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hhahahhahahhahahahahhahhahhahahhahahahhahaha


thats a GREAT story
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post #4 of 23 (permalink) Old 10-12-2005, 03:14 PM
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LMAO... Doc you gotta read it.. it's long but worth it.. WHY you may ask... cuz it's too close to the truth to NOT TO.....

yes I have tried those but unlike this lady.. I was successful in my endevor... and might I ad... no I did not superwax anything together

E.

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post #5 of 23 (permalink) Old 10-13-2005, 12:02 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by DreamRyder
LMAO... Doc you gotta read it.. it's long but worth it.. WHY you may ask... cuz it's too close to the truth to NOT TO.....

yes I have tried those but unlike this lady.. I was successful in my endevor... and might I ad... no I did not superwax anything together

E.

Oh, you tease!
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post #6 of 23 (permalink) Old 10-13-2005, 02:08 AM
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Good lord... THAT was a riot!

Dan
1991 FZR 1000 - built 1040 with race cams, Akrapovic full exhaust, and mild suspension work
2004 YZF R1 - Graves full exhaust, velocity stacks, BMC race filter, and Power Commander. Rear Ohlins. Forks rblt with Race Tech springs and Gold Valves.
2005 20th Anniversary V-Max (0098/2000) - T boost,
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post #7 of 23 (permalink) Old 10-13-2005, 03:26 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by DreamRyder
LMAO... Doc you gotta read it.. it's long but worth it.. WHY you may ask... cuz it's too close to the truth to NOT TO.....

yes I have tried those but unlike this lady.. I was successful in my endevor... and might I ad... no I did not superwax anything together

E.
I do not believe you did this....worthless without pics
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post #8 of 23 (permalink) Old 10-13-2005, 03:39 AM Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by Judge
I do not believe you did this....worthless without pics
+1
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post #9 of 23 (permalink) Old 10-13-2005, 09:39 AM
Best ET 7.77 @ 186mph
 
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uhm... uhm... reckon ya'll gotta just take my word for it

E.

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If it's too good to be true... then you must be Dreaming.


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Sponsored by: RCC Turbo, Bellman Oil, Syed Leathers, Schnitz Racing, Boost by Smith, Cycle-Tek, Tiger Racing, Machine Works Racing, R&R Trailers by RandPCarriages.com, Mirror Look Customs, Rev'd Up Motorsports, and ofcourse SportBike World !
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post #10 of 23 (permalink) Old 10-13-2005, 09:55 AM Thread Starter
 
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you reckon?!?
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