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post #1 of 6 (permalink) Old 10-12-2005, 09:17 AM Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
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good pointers

REDNECK SOCIAL TIPS (OR JUST GOOD ADVICE)



In General



1. Never take a beer to an interview.



2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting them.



3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.



4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.



5. Even if you're certain that you're included in the will, it's rude to drive a U-haul to the funeral.



Dining Out



1. When decanting the wine from the box, make sure you tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to 'bruise' the fruit of the wine.



2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your hands.



Entertaining in your home



1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.



2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners are.



Personal Hygiene



1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this job should be done in private using one's own truck keys.



2. Even if you live alone, deodorant is not a waste of money.



3. Use of proper toiletries can only delay bathing for a few days.



4. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to distract from a woman's jewelry, and alter the taste of finger foods.



Dating (outside the family)



1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.



2. Be assertive, Let her know you're interested like saying: "I've been wanting to go out with you ever since I read that stuff on the bathroom walls two years ago."



3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM. Others might say "Monday," If the latter is the answer; it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.



Theater Etiquette



1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended.



2. Refrain from talking to the characters on the screen. Tests have proven that they can't hear you.



Weddings



1. Livestock is usually a poor choice for a wedding gift.



2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds might get you shot.



3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.



4. Though uncomfortable, say 'yes' to socks and shoes for this special occasion.



Driving Etiquette



1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight.



2. When approaching a four way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires does not always have the right of way.



3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.



4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer too.



5. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession
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post #2 of 6 (permalink) Old 10-12-2005, 11:47 AM
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 3,234
If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.

When decanting the wine from the box, make sure you tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to 'bruise' the fruit of the wine.

When approaching a four way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires does not always have the right of way.

Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.


Those above ones are my favorite!! Good stuff!



Jen
636Jen is offline  
post #3 of 6 (permalink) Old 10-12-2005, 12:14 PM Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Posts: 352
Thanks darlin' I thought those were funny!!!
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post #4 of 6 (permalink) Old 10-12-2005, 12:34 PM
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
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Personally I was offended
LuckyStrike is offline  
post #5 of 6 (permalink) Old 10-12-2005, 01:39 PM Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
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Don't tell me Jeff Foxworthy is your hero isn't he!!!!
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post #6 of 6 (permalink) Old 10-12-2005, 03:10 PM
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
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Why can't i ask her to bring back a beer? She's gonna be at the store anyway!
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