Tuesday Jokes - Sportbike Forum: Sportbike Motorcycle Forums
 
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post #1 of 5 (permalink) Old 09-27-2005, 04:33 AM Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 3,234
Tuesday Jokes

Q. How do you find a Blind Man in a nudist colony?

A. It's not hard


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Q: How is a woman like a condom?

A: Both of them spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.


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Q: Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?

A: Because everybody who can run, jump, and swim are already in America.


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Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?

A: Kick his sister in the jaw.


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Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

A: 45 lbs.


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Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?

A: 45 minutes


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Q: What is it when a man talks nasty to a woman?

A: Sexual harassment.


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Q: What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man?

A: $3.99 a minute.


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Q: How are women and rocks alike?

A: You skip the flat ones.


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Q: What's the difference between a '90's woman and a Computer?

A: A '90's woman won't accept a three and a half inch floppy.


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Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

A: Because breasts don't have eyes.


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Q: How do Greeks separate the men from the boys?

A: With a crowbar.


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Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a brick?

A: When you lay a brick, it doesn't follow you around for two weeks whining.


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Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?

A: The swallow.


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Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?

A: Hump-me Dump-me.


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Q: What's the difference between erotic and kinky?

A: Erotic is when you use a feather. Kinky is when you use the whole chicken.


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Q: Why do Greek men wear gold neck chains?

A: So they know where to stop shaving.


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Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?

A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.


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Q: Why don't men fake orgasm?

A: Cuz no man would make those faces on purpose.


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Q. What are the small bumps around a woman's nipples for?

A. Its Braille for "suck here."


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Q. Why do most women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds?

A. Because most men are stupid but few are blind.


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Q. What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts that a 25 year old doesn't?

A. Her navel.


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Q. Why do men die before their wives?

A. Because they want to.


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Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?

A. They don't have balls to scratch.






Jen
636Jen is offline  
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post #2 of 5 (permalink) Old 09-27-2005, 08:24 AM
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 532
nice catch..hahahhahhahah!
xdbx is offline  
post #3 of 5 (permalink) Old 09-27-2005, 08:54 AM
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Posts: 352
Shall I add to this???


> > PICK UP LINES THAT MAY GET YOU KILLED
> > >
> > >1 If you and I were squirrels, could I bust a nut
> in your hole?
> > >2 I'd like to wrap your legs around my head and
> wear you like a
> > > feed bag.
> > >3 If it's true that we are what we eat, I could be
> you by morning!
> > >4 How do you like your eggs: poached, scrambled,
> or fertilized?
> > >5 I was about to go masturbate and I needed a name
> to go with your
> > > face.
> > >6 You are so fine that I'd eat your shit just to
> see where it came
> > > from.
> > >7 My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't
> hold it in.
> > >8 Roses are red. Violets are blue. I like
> spaghetti. Let's go
> > > fuck.
> > >9 Is that a keg in your pants? 'Cause I would
> love to tap that
> > > ass!
> > >10 If your right leg was Thanksgiving, and your
> left leg was
> > > Christmas, could I meet you between the
> holidays?
> > >11 You remind me of a championship bass, I don't
> know whether to
> > > mount you or eat you!
> > >12 Your parents must be retarded, because you are
> special.
> > >13 Could I touch your belly button . . . from the
> inside?
> > >14 I'm not too good at algebra, but doesn't U+I =
> 69?
> > >15 How about we play lion and lion tamer? You hold
> your mouth
> > > open, and I'll give you the meat.
> > >
> >
> >
x1_solo is offline  
 
post #4 of 5 (permalink) Old 09-27-2005, 08:59 AM
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Posts: 352
<< > Subject: The Word "F***"

>

> The Word "F***"

> Aside from its sexual connotations, "f***" can describe many daily

> situations:

> Greetings: How the f*** are you?

> Fraud: I got f***ed by the car dealer.

> Resignation: Oh, f*** it!

> Trouble: Guess I'm f***ed now.

> Aggression: F*** you!

> Disgust: F*** me.

> Confusion: What the f*** . . . ?

> Difficulty: I don't understand this f***ing business.

> Despair: F***ed again . . .

> Pleasure: I couldn't be f***ng happier.

> Displeasure: What the f*** is going on here?

> Lost: Where the f*** are we?

> Disbelief: Un-f***ing-believable!

> Retaliation: Up your f***ing ass!

> Denial: I didn't f***ing do it.

> Perplexity: I know the f*** all about it.

> Apathy: Who really gives a f***, anyway?

> Suspicion: Who the f*** are you?

> Panic: Let's get the f*** out of here.

> Directions: F*** off. To the north.

> Disbelief: How the f*** did you do that?

> It can also:

> Describe anatomy: He's a f***ing asshole.

> Tell time: It's five-f***ing-thirty.

> Be used in business: How did I wind up with this f***ing job?

> Be maternal: Motherf***er!

> Be political: f*** Bush!

> It is also historically been used:

> What the f*** was that?

> -Mayor of Hiroshima

> Where the f*** did all these Indians come from?

> -General George Armstrong Custer

> Where the f*** is all this water coming from?

> -Captain of the Titanic

> That's not a real f***ing gun.

> -John Lennon

> Who the f*** is going to find out?

> -"Tricky" Dick Nixon

> Heads are going to f***ing roll.

> -Anne Boleyn

> Let the f***ing woman drive.

> -Commander of the Space Shuttle Challenger

> Any f***ing idiot could understand it.

> -Albert Einstein

> It does so f***ing look like her!

> -Picasso

> How the f*** did you work that out?

> -Pythagoras

> You want what on the f***ing ceiling?

> -Michelangelo

> F*** a duck.

> -Walt Disney

> Why? Because it's f***ing there!

> -Sir Edmund Hilary

> I don't suppose it going to f***ing rain?

> -Joan of Arc

> Scattered f***ing showers my ass!

> -Noah

> I need this parade like I need a f***ng hole in my head!

> -John F. Kennedy

>
x1_solo is offline  
post #5 of 5 (permalink) Old 09-27-2005, 11:29 AM
 
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 1,415
[QUOTE]Originally posted by x1_solo
[B]<< > Subject: The Word "F***"

>

> The Word "F***"

This one comes from this website, good flash cartoon

http://www.funnyjunk.com/pages/history.htm
CruiserErik is offline  
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