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post #1 of 92 (permalink) Old 04-12-2005, 09:12 AM Thread Starter
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Short Joke

Q: What do you call a black man that flys an airplane for a living?


A: A pilot, you f*cking racist!



(Pulled from Maxim, but who cares, it's still funny)

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The God of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all of fiction: jealous and proud of it; a petty, unjust, unforgiving control-freak; a vindictive, bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser; a misogynistic, homophobic, racist, infanticidal, genocidal, filicidal, pestilential, megalomanical, sadomasochistic, capriciously malevolent bully. - Richard Dawkins, The God Delusion
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post #2 of 92 (permalink) Old 04-12-2005, 09:52 AM
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I can't believe I read that and laughed. Clearly we both live in the home state of the KKK.

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post #3 of 92 (permalink) Old 04-12-2005, 03:20 PM
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In God, we trust; all others must provide data.
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post #4 of 92 (permalink) Old 04-27-2005, 09:35 AM Thread Starter
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Two Cows are standing in a field,
The first cow says, "Moo."
The second cows says, "You ass-bag, I was gonna say that!"

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The God of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all of fiction: jealous and proud of it; a petty, unjust, unforgiving control-freak; a vindictive, bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser; a misogynistic, homophobic, racist, infanticidal, genocidal, filicidal, pestilential, megalomanical, sadomasochistic, capriciously malevolent bully. - Richard Dawkins, The God Delusion
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post #5 of 92 (permalink) Old 04-27-2005, 09:39 AM Thread Starter
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Not really short....but good anyway:


An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him. The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special." At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said. The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it." The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated by check. " I know you need to make sure the check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank on Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said. Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account." "I know", said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?"

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The God of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all of fiction: jealous and proud of it; a petty, unjust, unforgiving control-freak; a vindictive, bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser; a misogynistic, homophobic, racist, infanticidal, genocidal, filicidal, pestilential, megalomanical, sadomasochistic, capriciously malevolent bully. - Richard Dawkins, The God Delusion
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post #6 of 92 (permalink) Old 04-27-2005, 09:39 AM Thread Starter
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Two cannibals were preparing to eat this guy. So one started at the head and the other at the feet. After about an hour the cannibal that had started at the head looked up and asked his buddy "How are you doing down there?" To which the other cannibal replied, "Oh I am just having a ball."

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The God of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all of fiction: jealous and proud of it; a petty, unjust, unforgiving control-freak; a vindictive, bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser; a misogynistic, homophobic, racist, infanticidal, genocidal, filicidal, pestilential, megalomanical, sadomasochistic, capriciously malevolent bully. - Richard Dawkins, The God Delusion
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post #7 of 92 (permalink) Old 04-27-2005, 09:44 AM Thread Starter
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Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married.The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

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Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"
The birch says he cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"
The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies, "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in."

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The God of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all of fiction: jealous and proud of it; a petty, unjust, unforgiving control-freak; a vindictive, bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser; a misogynistic, homophobic, racist, infanticidal, genocidal, filicidal, pestilential, megalomanical, sadomasochistic, capriciously malevolent bully. - Richard Dawkins, The God Delusion
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post #8 of 92 (permalink) Old 04-27-2005, 10:44 AM
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Q: How do you get a Nun pregnant?

A: Fuck her. At your age, I can't believe you didn't know that.

Keeping the "Hap" in "Happy Holidays"!

Regime change begins at home.

Blind patriotism is worse than no patriotism.
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post #9 of 92 (permalink) Old 04-27-2005, 11:03 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally posted by Dad
Q: How do you get a Nun pregnant?

A: Fuck her. At your age, I can't believe you didn't know that.

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The God of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all of fiction: jealous and proud of it; a petty, unjust, unforgiving control-freak; a vindictive, bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser; a misogynistic, homophobic, racist, infanticidal, genocidal, filicidal, pestilential, megalomanical, sadomasochistic, capriciously malevolent bully. - Richard Dawkins, The God Delusion
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post #10 of 92 (permalink) Old 05-03-2005, 01:27 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by spicersh
Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married.The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

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LMAO....
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