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post #31 of 92 (permalink) Old 09-21-2005, 09:35 AM Thread Starter
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A blonde was sitting on a train reading the newspaper. The headline blared, "12 Brazilian Soldiers Killed." She shook her head at the sad news, then turned to the stranger sitting next to her and asked...."How many is a Brazilian?"

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The God of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all of fiction: jealous and proud of it; a petty, unjust, unforgiving control-freak; a vindictive, bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser; a misogynistic, homophobic, racist, infanticidal, genocidal, filicidal, pestilential, megalomanical, sadomasochistic, capriciously malevolent bully. - Richard Dawkins, The God Delusion
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post #32 of 92 (permalink) Old 09-21-2005, 11:32 AM Thread Starter
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This is unbelievably amazing!!!!!

In the middle of the table is a round food tray with five kinds of Fruits on it.

They are:

a. Apple
b. Banana
c. Strawberry
d. Peach
e. Orange

Which fruit will you choose? Please think VERY carefully and don't rush into it. This is great, I was astounded! Your choice reveals a lot about you!

Test results: Please SCROLL DOWN







































If you have chosen:


a. Apple: That means you are a person who loves to eat apples

b. Banana: That means you are a person who loves to eat bananas

c. Strawberry: That means you are a person who loves to eat strawberries

d. Peach: That means you are a person who loves to eat peaches

e. Orange: That means you are a person who loves to eat oranges

I hope you find fulfillment in this new insight about yourself. May it bring you peace and understanding, tranquility and all that other profound stuff.

Also I bet that right now you would like to find me and kick my ass.

Well, You won't find me....because I am still hunting down the person who sent this to me...

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The God of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all of fiction: jealous and proud of it; a petty, unjust, unforgiving control-freak; a vindictive, bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser; a misogynistic, homophobic, racist, infanticidal, genocidal, filicidal, pestilential, megalomanical, sadomasochistic, capriciously malevolent bully. - Richard Dawkins, The God Delusion
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post #33 of 92 (permalink) Old 09-21-2005, 12:05 PM
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**groan**

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post #34 of 92 (permalink) Old 09-21-2005, 03:49 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by spicersh
A blonde was sitting on a train reading the newspaper. The headline blared, "12 Brazilian Soldiers Killed." She shook her head at the sad news, then turned to the stranger sitting next to her and asked...."How many is a Brazilian?"





In God, we trust; all others must provide data.
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post #35 of 92 (permalink) Old 09-21-2005, 03:54 PM
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This is absolutely amazing. It's uncanny! If you think it's cool, try it again and again. It works with any letter!! It only takes about 30 seconds.


Don't cheat! Scroll down, slowly.






















Think of a letter between P and Z.

Scroll down, slowly














Keep going!














Think of an animal that begins with that letter.

Scroll down. Slowly!

























Think of a man's name that begins with the last letter in that animal's name.

Scroll down,slowly
























Now count out the letters in that name on the fingers of the hand you are not using to scroll down. (example Fred would be 4)






























Now, take the last finger your counted with,






























Shove it up your a**e, wake up to yourself and get back to work!




In God, we trust; all others must provide data.
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post #36 of 92 (permalink) Old 09-22-2005, 10:18 PM
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Re: This is unbelievably amazing!!!!!

Quote:
Originally posted by spicersh
Well, You won't find me....because I am still hunting down the person who sent this to me...



Help control the squid population, have your squid spayed or neutered

"it's not the smart ass behavior that gets to me... it's the dumb ass behavior that is a problem..." -Quote from my Aunt.

Only motorcycle riders understand why dogs stick their head out of car windows.
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post #37 of 92 (permalink) Old 09-29-2005, 08:55 AM Thread Starter
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Books You Probably Won't Find In The Local Library

Self Help

Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl-A Woman's Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship

Even God Is Single, So Stop Giving Me A Hard Time

What to Expect when Your Wife is Expanding

The Complete A**hole's Gude To Handling Chicks

501 Great Things About Being Gay

The Zen of Farting

Sexual Exercise as a Means of Reducing and Controlling Weight

Feng Shaun: Discover Inner Peace with Shaun the Sheep

You're Not as Good as You Think You Are: A Demotivational Guide

Screw Unto Others: Revenge Tactics for All Occasions

Women May Be from Venus...But Men Are Really from Uranus:



Adult Non-Fiction

Kill Without Joy: The Complete How to Kill Book by John Minnery

Ashphalt Nation: How the Automobile Took Over America, and how we can Take it Back by Jane Holtz Kay

Moldavia: A Land Untouched by Modern Dentistry

History of England: Before It Became Boring and Too Much Like Real Life

Manson in his own Words by Charles Manson

Margaret Mead, Coming of Age in Samoa (1928)

Wilhelm Reich, The Function of the Orgasm (1942)

Ruby Ann's Trailer Trash Recipe Book

The Walrus was Paul: The Great Beatle Death Clues of 1969 by R. Gary Peterson



Adult Fiction

Excuse Me? Whose Baby? by Jacqueline Diamond

The Virgin Bride Said "Wow" by Cathy Gillen Thacker



Children's Section

"Why Some Weiners Wear Turtlenecks And Some Don't", The Circumcision Handbook

"Fun With Your Tinky-Winky", A Tele-Tubbies Tale

"Barney Farted" and Other TV. Bloopers For Kids

Plastic Bag Space Helmet and Other Fun Activities

Thirteen Tragic Tales For Troubled Children

The Little Engine That Couldn't Because He Was A Worthless Bum Like Your Father

Run Away From Home: Your Parents Will Thank You

Simon Says Get in the Fucking Car

Frog and Toad Are Faggots

F**k School and Become a Drifter

Do That Again and I'll Wring Your Neck You Little Shit

Where The Misery Ends- The Bastard Was Asking For It

Chuck E. Cheese Gets A Flamethrower


Young Adults

Nobody Likes Timmy, Because He Just Won't Shut up About Star Trek

Harry Potter and the Unexplainable Wad of Tissues

Going Down In History by Monica Lewinsky

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The God of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all of fiction: jealous and proud of it; a petty, unjust, unforgiving control-freak; a vindictive, bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser; a misogynistic, homophobic, racist, infanticidal, genocidal, filicidal, pestilential, megalomanical, sadomasochistic, capriciously malevolent bully. - Richard Dawkins, The God Delusion
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post #38 of 92 (permalink) Old 10-18-2005, 10:01 AM Thread Starter
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A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobies are there?

The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there's three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a women's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions."

"Onions?"

"Yes, you see them and they make you cry."

This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mum, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?"

The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In his twenties, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree."

"A Christmas tree?"

"Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration "

SportbikeWorld Supermoderator

The God of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all of fiction: jealous and proud of it; a petty, unjust, unforgiving control-freak; a vindictive, bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser; a misogynistic, homophobic, racist, infanticidal, genocidal, filicidal, pestilential, megalomanical, sadomasochistic, capriciously malevolent bully. - Richard Dawkins, The God Delusion
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post #39 of 92 (permalink) Old 10-18-2005, 11:10 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by spicersh


The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In his twenties, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree."

"A Christmas tree?"

"Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration "
"The angle of the dangle is directly proportional to the heat of the meat." She's told me everything I need to know.

As far as the balls are concerned, I could care less about them but they seem to give her something to do between gaggin' and rimmin'.

Just some musings of an "over fifty".

Keeping the "Hap" in "Happy Holidays"!

Regime change begins at home.

Blind patriotism is worse than no patriotism.
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post #40 of 92 (permalink) Old 10-18-2005, 11:12 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally posted by Dad
"The angle of the dangle is directly proportional to the heat of the meat." She's told me everything I need to know.

As far as the balls are concerned, I could care less about them but they seem to give her something to do between gaggin' and rimmin'.

Just some musings of an "over fifty".
Hell at 50 you can stretch the whole thing out and show movies on it! Talk about home entertainment center!

SportbikeWorld Supermoderator

The God of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all of fiction: jealous and proud of it; a petty, unjust, unforgiving control-freak; a vindictive, bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser; a misogynistic, homophobic, racist, infanticidal, genocidal, filicidal, pestilential, megalomanical, sadomasochistic, capriciously malevolent bully. - Richard Dawkins, The God Delusion
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