Blonde girl drives into service bay with her car bucking and spluttering. The mechanic tells her to come back in a couple of hours and it should be fixed. Two hours later she comes back with lots of shopping to be met by the mechanic.
Blonde - "Did you manage to find out what was wrong with my car?"

Mechanic - "Yeah, just shit in the carburetor."

Blonde - "How often do I have to do that?"

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Q - Why does a chicken coupe have two doors?
A - Because if it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.

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When I was young, all I wanted was a girl with big boobs. In high school, I dated a girl with big boobs, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl. In college, I dated a passionate girl, but she was so emotional that everything was an emergency. She cried all the time, so I decided I needed a girl with some stability. I found a stable girl, but she was rather boring. She never got excited about anything, so I decided I needed a girl with excitement. I found an exciting girl, but I just couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She had no direction, so I decided to find a girl with ambition. I found an ambitious girl and married her, but she was so ambitious, she divorced me, taking everything I had. Now? All I want is a girl with big boobs!

A Chinese man call in to work one day and in a chinese acent says "Boss me no come to work today. I very sick." The boss says man we really need you today", he says "hey it always makes me feel really good to go home and have sex with my wife, why dont you try that?" The chinese man says "ok i try" Well about two hours later the chinese man calls his boss and says "Ok boss I come to work now, by the way you have very nice house."

lmao I love that one.

A tragic explosion sinks a cruise ship in the middle of the pacific. The only survivor, a young attractive woman, treads water for days before finally being washed up on some island that is too small to be marked on a map. Upon feeling dry land the exhausted girl faints. Shortly after two natives (a guy and his son) crawl out of the bushes and examine the strange pale woman. the son looks at the dad and says
"Dad, lets make a fire, and cook her!"
"I have a better idea son, lets drag her back home, then we will make a fire and cook mom"

One night little Johnny got up from bed to use the bathroom. On his way there he heard noise coming from his mom and dads bedroom so he peaked in and saw the sheets and blankets going up and down and said "HEY, what you guys doin'? The dad pauses for a moment and tells the son, " Well, we were, uh, well, uh playing euchre". So the son doesn't think much of it and continues on his way. The next night the father gets up to go to the restroom and stops in to look on his kids as all parents do. He opens the door to the sons room and sees the son sitting up in bed spanking his monkey. The dad asks "Son, what are you doing in here"? The son replies that he is playing euchre. His dad says "son you need two people to play euchre". The son replies "No dad, if you got a good hand, you can go it alone!!!!"

Q: What time is it when most people go to the dentist?

A: Tooth-Hurty!

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Two cannibals are eating a clown. One turns to the other and says, "Does this taste funny to you?"

Q: how do you get a nun pregnant?

A: fuck her.

...

One day Mom was cleaning Junior's room and in the closet she found a bondage S&M magazine.

This was highly upsetting for her. She hid the magazine until his Father got home and showed it to him.

He looked at it and handed it back to her with out a word. So she asked him, "What should we do about this?"

Dad looked at her and said, "Well I don't think you should spank him."