Ten best jokes from this years Edinburgh festival (Allegedly) - Sportbike Forum: Sportbike Motorcycle Forums
 
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post #1 of 3 (permalink) Old 09-09-2004, 01:35 AM Thread Starter
Tug
 
Join Date: Jul 2001
Posts: 1,253
Ten best jokes from this years Edinburgh festival (Allegedly)

1. Is it fair to say that there'd be less litter in Britain if blind people were given pointed sticks?
Adam Bloom at the Pleasance
2. My mum and dad are Scottish but they moved down to Wolverhampton when I Was two, 'cause they wanted me to sound like a twat.
Susan Murray at the Underbelly
3. I went to the airport to check in and they asked what I did because I looked like a terrorist. I said I was a comedian.
They said, "Say something funny then."
I told them I had just graduated from flying school.
Ahmed Ahmed at C34
4. A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, "Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?"
I said, "All right, but we're not going to get much done."
Jimmy Carr at the ICC
5. I realised I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat.
Marcus Brigstocke at the Assembly Rooms
6. Sleeping with prostitutes is like making your cat dance with you on its hind legs. You know it's wrong, but you try to convince yourself that they're enjoying it as well.
Scott Capurro at the Pleasance
7. Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation.
Jimmy Carr
8. Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.
Demetri Martin at the Assembly Rooms
9. An American girl hit on me in a club and asked me to make her an
Egyptian princess. So I threw a sheet over her head and told her to be quiet.
Ahmed Ahmed at C34
10. The right to bear arms is slightly less ludicrous than the right to arm
bears.
Chris Addison at the Pleasance
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post #2 of 3 (permalink) Old 09-09-2004, 08:47 PM
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
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toga is a classic

try explaining this to the Mrs
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post #3 of 3 (permalink) Old 09-09-2004, 09:08 PM Thread Starter
Tug
 
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Thats easy

Its a Volvo, Oh I must have run a courting couple over when I swerved to mow down hat motorcyclist dear.
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