'Torque' ... the movie - Sportbike Forum: Sportbike Motorcycle Forums
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post #1 of 25 (permalink) Old 02-07-2004, 05:57 PM Thread Starter
 
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'Torque' ... the movie

Wow .... what an absolute load of shit !!!

Without ruining it more by giving stuff away ... which by the way is impossible as it is by far one of the worse movies ever ... here's the review ...

It starts off well. Some punks in jap cars (a lah Fast and Furious) are out in the desert racing .... and up comes our hero on his Aprilia behind them ... and wheelies through them ....

Then the cool glory shot as he gets off his bike in truely cool black and orange retro leathers (the belt buckle must really fark the tank) ....

The only other good bit from then on was the hero saying "I live life a quarter mile at a time ... " (a lah Fast and Furious) ... followed by his girlfriend saying "That is the stupidiest thing I have ever heard" ... farkin great !! .... mind you ... I think this part will be lost on most Americans ... but since they are so farkin stupid stupid stupid anyway they will probably love every other stupid moment ... they probably advertise this as a ferkin documentary there ... (dig dig).

So then, why is it soooo shit. Firstly the plot is farked, simple as that. So anyone going to see it will only do so cause they are bike nuts .... but here they commit the ultimate sin !! .... They have chases just for the fark sake of it, stunts for the sake if it .... and the bikes do that 'only in the movies' transformer act where they 'grow' long travel forks, high rise handle bars and big front wheels ... anytime a jump turns up ......

Then finally, just when you think all is saved when the two leading ladies have a bitch fight ... they get on their bikes and use them to 'fight'. Picture this. Stationary wheelies, where they are banging front wheels together !! ... owww fark me .... shite shite shite ...

Only person I can think that would like it would be the 'Lesbian' ...

Or Tug

Last edited by Legend; 02-07-2004 at 06:22 PM.
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post #2 of 25 (permalink) Old 02-07-2004, 08:03 PM
 
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Thanks for the review. I'll wait for the DVD to come out which by the sounds of it should be sometime next week...
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post #3 of 25 (permalink) Old 02-07-2004, 10:09 PM
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Re: 'Torque' ... the movie

Quote:
Originally posted by Legend
I think this part will be lost on most Americans ... but since they are so farkin stupid stupid stupid anyway they will probably love every other stupid moment ... they probably advertise this as a ferkin documentary there ... (dig dig).
Don't worry, we fooking hate it too. Now this is the movie we are really waiting for.

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post #4 of 25 (permalink) Old 02-07-2004, 10:11 PM
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Legend, thanks for the info on that movie, I wanted to see it from the trailers on the commercials but suspected it was a piece of sh*t like "Fast and the Furious" was. Sounds like it might even be worse. Wasn't it directed or produced by the same idiot?

Fuster

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post #5 of 25 (permalink) Old 02-08-2004, 01:40 AM Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by fuster
Legend, thanks for the info on that movie, I wanted to see it from the trailers on the commercials but suspected it was a piece of sh*t like "Fast and the Furious" was. Sounds like it might even be worse. Wasn't it directed or produced by the same idiot?
Yup ... same guy. Actually Fast and the Furious was a much much better movie. Still not a 'Legendary' one, but still ... this thing really takes the cake for shite ...

I didn't expect to get such a wide spectrum 'read' ... neat to see we are getting some of you lads for places bigger that this farkin stuffed up Island I call home at the mement (Singadingasillypore).

In the interests of not sounding like a complete caaant. This movie should have a sequel, and if the maker of the movie is listening ... no more stupid 'transformer' moments ... cast the lead bike as the Ducati 999R, keep the leathers the main man has ... and find a plot. And as for the 'dualing' bike scene ... and the part where some one lands on a moving train, drops down in the gab between the trailers .. then rides through the middle ...... you are a complete farkin idiot....... restrict your 'stunts' to things people can actually do ..... caaant.

And secondly ... for all those that STILL want to go see it .. please do .... but WALK OUT as soon as the chase scene between the good guys and 'ice cube's goes off road and into the forest/ desert. Trust me ... it's a MUCH better movie than if you stay.

Love ya's all like brothers .... except for those american caaaants .. (dig farkin dig ....common .. where are those nasties with guns ... or do I need to go back into the R1 forum and get banned again) ..... ah fark it .... R1 forum here I come .... Tug, Aussie Dave ... fancy joining me for a bit of 'wind up ??
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post #6 of 25 (permalink) Old 02-08-2004, 10:44 AM
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"most Americans are farkin farkin stupid?"

We appreciate your review (at least 2 weeks late), we all know the movie sucks.

But "dig" somewhere else.
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post #7 of 25 (permalink) Old 02-08-2004, 02:27 PM Thread Starter
 
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ok .. I just wanted to play ... sad now ... you Americans. You take all the joy out of the world ...
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post #8 of 25 (permalink) Old 02-08-2004, 02:48 PM
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Confused?

Quote:
Originally posted by bob
We appreciate your review...
Clearly proof that Americans are farkin farkin stupid?

So Ledge tell me how to find those tools on the R1 forum again I've lost the link..... I guess I could just seach for 'dick wads posting half naked pics of there imaginary girlfriends on a chromed out piece of shit'

Is it weird in here, or is it just me?
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post #9 of 25 (permalink) Old 02-08-2004, 03:14 PM Thread Starter
 
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Re: Confused?

Quote:
Originally posted by Gixxer_Dave
Clearly proof that Americans are farkin farkin stupid?

So Ledge tell me how to find those tools on the R1 forum again I've lost the link..... I guess I could just seach for 'dick wads posting half naked pics of there imaginary girlfriends on a chromed out piece of shit'
..... with bar mounted rear view mirrors hahahaha .... fark Davo .. I forgot about that penis and his 'chick' .. that was TO funny ...

I tried to find the site last night but no luck ... prob just as well .. hahaha
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post #10 of 25 (permalink) Old 02-08-2004, 07:46 PM
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Talking Nice review

Good work Legend, you just saved me 10 bucks

Not too sure about the "septic" bashing, the navy are in town and the good ol boys might just try an look you up
Shouldnt be too hard to find the only bog seat sales man in Singapore
Talking of bog seats whats the deal with your 999R ?
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