Happy birthday to me cause I'm a ferkin Legend ... - Sportbike Forum: Sportbike Motorcycle Forums
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
post #1 of 5 (permalink) Old 02-06-2003, 07:42 PM Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 1,330
Happy birthday to me cause I'm a ferkin Legend ...

Yup. It's that time again ..... it is recorded in history that the Legend has been on the planet exactly one year longer than last time.

For those interested (and who the ferk wouldn't be?), I am now a legendary 33 years old....and I love it.

Birthdays, provided you approch them the right way, are a time for celebration ... for example:

1. I am a bloke, hence as I get older, stupid younger women think I am more mature than the prepubesent idiots of their same age group and therefore believe everything I say ... hence more sex.
2. I am a bloke, hence my ear and nose hair may be getting more and more unsightly, but I have no tits to droop and wrinkles look good on me.
3. I am a bloke, and age makes me look more 'dignified' and as such much much better than newer blokes.
4. I am a bloke, and as such, with every year I age, so too does my mates daughters .... some are getting very close to being legal !!
5. I am a bloke, and while I have never been into shagging ugly women, as I get older, there is a higher percentage of attractive woman that are simply not desirable cause they are too 'old'. These are great shags, cause while they may be old and therefore undesirable and not worthy of getting your handphone number, they are great for one-off-shags cause they usually think it's their last.
6. I am a bloke, so with age comes experience and therefore wisdom. For example, at the age of 32 I knew that some woman would not shag me .. but due to wisdom .. I knew this was cause they were afraid that I would only ever do it once and this would destroy their sad and uneventful lives.
7. I am a bloke, and I can therefore pleasure myself anytime I want, and it's one of the greatest birthday presents to give oneself. You may argue that women can do this to, but this is an 'old wives tale'. Women can only ever be pleasured by a man, and only ever pleasured 'properly' by a Legend, or a person trained in 'Legendary Love Making'.

So, you might ask, what does a Legend do on his 33rd birthday .....

Well, finish work for a start. It's now 12.35, and while I do need to stay until 5.30, I think I ferk about for the next 5 hours. Then, I will stradle the mighty R and ride my lovely self home for a pleasent run round the block, followed by a gormet shower.

After said shower I am going to remove all body hair, then cover my lovely self in talcum powder, and put on my 100% cotton white socks, and have a beer while I get myself all comfy on the couch .... next come the 'moments of pleasure' .... and life is good.

If anyone is keen, I will then be free, and a few QUIETS ... might be a nice idea .... please register your thoughts below.

P.S ... I have seen the so called 'surprise' partys held by you bunch a carnts before, and it usually means all the old carnts turn up late then go home early ... so no thanks, cheers and ferk off.



P.S .. I shaved my belly last night and it is gorgeous.
Legend is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 5 (permalink) Old 02-06-2003, 08:07 PM
Registered User
 
Gixxer_Dave's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,518
Re: Happy birthday to me cause I'm a ferkin Legend ...

Quote:
Originally posted by Legend
... I am a bloke, and I can therefore pleasure myself anytime I want, and it's one of the greatest birthday presents to give oneself.

After said shower I am going to remove all body hair, then cover my lovely self in talcum powder, and put on my 100% cotton white socks, and have a beer while I get myself all comfy on the couch .... next come the 'moments of pleasure' .... and life is good.
Quoted are my two highlights from the above legendary and highly entertaining passage....

However thanks to the second one may never be able to go down the talcum powder isle at the supermarket again!!! and why not shave the old bonce to match the rest of SBR??

Happy Birthday you ol' dog you...... I'll have a couple of cold ones for you meself.

Is it weird in here, or is it just me?
Gixxer_Dave is offline  
post #3 of 5 (permalink) Old 02-06-2003, 08:54 PM
Tug
 
Join Date: Jul 2001
Posts: 1,253
Re: Happy birthday to me cause I'm a ferkin Legend ...

Quote:
Originally posted by Legend


P.S ... I have seen the so called 'surprise' partys held by you bunch a carnts before, and it usually means all the old carnts turn up late then go home early ... so no thanks, cheers and ferk off.

No worries Legend your missus didnt bother to organise one for you cos she is too busy getting ready for a shaggathon girlies night out with my missus I have a dinner to attend but should be able to meet you in Crazy Horse later.

P.S As I remember I left mine at 5am so cant be accused of being the first to leave

P.P.S your still a twat even if it is your birthday
Tug is offline  
 
post #4 of 5 (permalink) Old 02-06-2003, 10:36 PM
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 1,452
so where it gonna be Oh wise aged one

As i am girlie-less this evening i may well be persuaded to venture into the night.

you turn up covered in talc and i'm gone.............

Cheers
bigphil is offline  
post #5 of 5 (permalink) Old 02-08-2003, 03:11 AM
 
Join Date: Sep 2001
Posts: 322
Re: Happy birthday to me cause I'm a ferkin Legend ...

Quote:
Originally posted by Legend

After said shower I am going to remove all body hair, then cover my lovely self in talcum powder, and put on my 100% cotton white socks, and have a beer while I get myself all comfy on the couch .... next come the 'moments of pleasure' .... and life is good.

That sounds soooo F*cking Disgusting I wanna copy on VHS

Oh yeah HAPPY BIRTHDAY...And give that fleshy candle a BIG BLOW!!
BobbyDazzler is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on the Sportbike Forum: Sportbike Motorcycle Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in










Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Linear Mode



Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome