Yup. It's that time again ..... it is recorded in history that the Legend has been on the planet exactly one year longer than last time.
For those interested (and who the ferk wouldn't be?), I am now a legendary 33 years old....and I love it.
Birthdays, provided you approch them the right way, are a time for celebration ... for example:
1. I am a bloke, hence as I get older, stupid younger women think I am more mature than the prepubesent idiots of their same age group and therefore believe everything I say ... hence more sex.
2. I am a bloke, hence my ear and nose hair may be getting more and more unsightly, but I have no tits to droop and wrinkles look good on me.
3. I am a bloke, and age makes me look more 'dignified' and as such much much better than newer blokes.
4. I am a bloke, and as such, with every year I age, so too does my mates daughters .... some are getting very close to being legal !!
5. I am a bloke, and while I have never been into shagging ugly women, as I get older, there is a higher percentage of attractive woman that are simply not desirable cause they are too 'old'. These are great shags, cause while they may be old and therefore undesirable and not worthy of getting your handphone number, they are great for one-off-shags cause they usually think it's their last.
6. I am a bloke, so with age comes experience and therefore wisdom. For example, at the age of 32 I knew that some woman would not shag me .. but due to wisdom .. I knew this was cause they were afraid that I would only ever do it once and this would destroy their sad and uneventful lives.
7. I am a bloke, and I can therefore pleasure myself anytime I want, and it's one of the greatest birthday presents to give oneself. You may argue that women can do this to, but this is an 'old wives tale'. Women can only ever be pleasured by a man, and only ever pleasured 'properly' by a Legend, or a person trained in 'Legendary Love Making'.
So, you might ask, what does a Legend do on his 33rd birthday .....
Well, finish work for a start. It's now 12.35, and while I do need to stay until 5.30, I think I ferk about for the next 5 hours. Then, I will stradle the mighty R and ride my lovely self home for a pleasent run round the block, followed by a gormet shower.
After said shower I am going to remove all body hair, then cover my lovely self in talcum powder, and put on my 100% cotton white socks, and have a beer while I get myself all comfy on the couch .... next come the 'moments of pleasure' .... and life is good.
If anyone is keen, I will then be free, and a few QUIETS ... might be a nice idea .... please register your thoughts below.
P.S ... I have seen the so called 'surprise' partys held by you bunch a carnts before, and it usually means all the old carnts turn up late then go home early ... so no thanks, cheers and ferk off.
P.S .. I shaved my belly last night and it is gorgeous.