If you EVER think to change your own oil ...... - Sportbike Forum: Sportbike Motorcycle Forums
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
post #1 of 25 (permalink) Old 12-02-2002, 03:49 AM Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 1,330
If you EVER think to change your own oil ......

Think again .... and read this post.

Now, we are all sportbike riding cants for various reasons, all of which are to cover up inadequacies that can not be compensated for by any other means ... such as small dicks, bad hair styles, sad girlfriends, sadder wives, shite senses of humour .. or because we are poofs.

None of these reasons should let us think for a minute that we should start doing basic maintenance on our bikes.

There are some amongst us that would have you believe otherwise. Before I say much more, can I just point out to you .. that they are cants. Really .... cants.

As an example, look at Big Phil. Now while he will happily twiddle with his sump plug and compare filter wrench torque settings with online friends (read .. imaginary), fact is he does this stuff cause he likes it, not cause it's easy. This alone on any sane planet would have him committed.

Others ... like me ... will try it .... cause even our imaginary friends tell us to **** off.

So .... I did. I tried to change my own oil. I thought, hey, save a few bob, have a bit of fun, get to tinker with my bike and be proud of myself in the process.

Cost to get done by others, including filter: $80 - $100.

Cost to do myself: $150 - $170..... made up from $85 oil, $18 filter, $15 adjustable wrench, $10 correct non-adjustable wrench, $12 wrong size oil filter wrench, $15 right size oil filter wrench, $10 to replace destroyed screwdriver (read on) and a stuffed sump plug, so whats that add up to .. about $155.... but FARK ME .. now I've got all the tools to do it again ..... but LIKE FARK I EVER WILL ....

Here's what REALLY happens, if you try and do this stuff on your own .. and all this from recent experience ....

You decide at last minute to do the job, and buy a filter .. easy. Then you need oil, and decide that the exact 10-50 Mobil One is the ONLY oil and the BEST oil, and if you don't use this oil.... it will not be JUST RIGHT ... so 3 hours later and $85 you have it. Then, fairing and bits off, you think your a wizz and you have at it by newly purchased tools. You feel farking good, cause you have just bought an oil filter wrench, and you've told your wife that some poor fools never use the right tools ....

Until you realise that 1. your adjustable wrench has rounded your sump plug and 2. oil filter wrenches can come in different sizes, and your such a dumb cant you bought the wrong one.

It gets worse, cause you then remember an old 'trick' and smash a screwdriver through the filter, but then hang off it the wrong way, which tightens the thing and in the process you make sharp edges and rip the filter open like a sardine can .... cutting fingers like butter ... ouch !

So ... of to the shop again, cause now you MUST get the filter off .... otherwise your $20,000 penis extension is now an art piece ... that you farkin hate !!

So then, new filter wrench in hand, and the write wrench ... you go to it ... and get hot oil EVERYWHERE, and use 5 tea towels just to keep hold of your tools.

Long story ..... to make it short....don't do it ... but if you must .. call be before you do so I can personally call you a cant.

Your technical legend.
Legend is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 25 (permalink) Old 12-02-2002, 04:45 AM
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Posts: 101
First let me acknowlege that i'm by all means not a tech guy......AT ALL but changing your oil is very simple given that you have the right tools for the job... As I read your thread I wondered why you would think you could change your oil without a socket set and a filter wrench????

The oil should never cost you 85 bucks dude, unless you using race oil......., my question is then WHY????

I never put anything but YamaLube in my R1 and it ran better then some others running the 14 a bottle purple gook...

The whole plug issue is just that you shouldn't use a 4 ft socket driver to torque it on with... its as simple as one snug tight turn and let it go... just enough to seal it good...
bluR1dude is offline  
post #3 of 25 (permalink) Old 12-02-2002, 05:50 AM
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 1,452
R1 dude

Yamaha dont make oil and never have..food for thought..even their marine oil used to be Q8 or Pennzeoil ( cant spel)

85 bucks is SIngapore dollars ( bout 40 somethin US)

Legend: top marks for tryin but yer still a cant!
Next time come round but leave yer adjustable wench at home!

Cheers
bigphil is offline  
 
post #4 of 25 (permalink) Old 12-02-2002, 06:24 AM
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Posts: 101
Even 40 bucks seems high for oil..... the oil I buy is 4 bucks a qt and i use just about four of them...looking at 16 bucks plus tax, should always be less than 25 dollars for the oil then about 12-15 for the filter....

bigphil - when you say yamaha doesn't make oil??? Yamahalube is sold in any local dealership on the shelf???

here, I figured I'd be nice to Legend... It's a simple oil changing kit, I'll sell them for 60 bucks a pop... HOW MANY WOULD YOU LIKE GUYS????? Come on before the weather gets nice enough to ride.....

bluR1dude is offline  
post #5 of 25 (permalink) Old 12-02-2002, 03:22 PM
Registered User
 
Gixxer_Dave's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,518
Re: If you EVER think to change your own oil ......

Quote:
Originally posted by Legend
... and get hot oil EVERYWHERE, and use 5 tea towels just to keep hold of your tools.
You farking dickhead!!!!

The only way this story could have made me laugh harder is if it was a pictorial..... like a 'How not to change your oil' kinda article, would have been perfect for the upcoming addition of 'The Scum' too. Hahahaha

Is it weird in here, or is it just me?
Gixxer_Dave is offline  
post #6 of 25 (permalink) Old 12-02-2002, 03:47 PM
Tug
 
Join Date: Jul 2001
Posts: 1,253
Talking I cunt fekking believe it

Another classic from the "House of Legend"
You need to register yer self as a trade mark so you can protect yer interests in the future.
You could become the motorcycle equivilent to "Wayne's World"
"Dave's World, Dave's World, party on, yer a cunt"
Thank god we dun have public access TV here
How about a weekly video feature," Legends top tips" could be riding tips, or maintanance tips, or bike set up tips, or picking up burd's tips

Blur1dude:
Yamaha package oil, they dont make it.
Mobil 1 is probably the most expensive and overrated oil in the busines (Im a Mobil 1 agent) 40 us is about right for top of the range synthetic. Below that you get what you pay for.
Dun worry about Legend, hes a nutter and we lurve him.

As usual the Legend has put a smile on my boat which isnt easy first thing in the morning
Tug is offline  
post #7 of 25 (permalink) Old 12-02-2002, 04:14 PM Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 1,330
Quote:
Originally posted by bluR1dude
Even 40 bucks seems high for oil..... the oil I buy is 4 bucks a qt and i use just about four of them...looking at 16 bucks plus tax, should always be less than 25 dollars for the oil then about 12-15 for the filter....

bigphil - when you say yamaha doesn't make oil??? Yamahalube is sold in any local dealership on the shelf???

here, I figured I'd be nice to Legend... It's a simple oil changing kit, I'll sell them for 60 bucks a pop... HOW MANY WOULD YOU LIKE GUYS????? Come on before the weather gets nice enough to ride.....

Ok .... before I start, cause I have got myself in trouble more times than once ..... bluR1dude,

1. welcome bro and I hope you hang about. We need a little Amercan flavouring to spice our wee place up. You can guarantee I'll be giving you a hard time
2. the more times I abuse you by calling you a cant or a poof, the more I like ya, and
3. Your a poofta cant

That bloody oil filter adapter is the ticket mate !!! ..... if only I had that thing bro I would have saved about 2 hours of swearing and my new neighbours would probably still like me .....nah, maybe I would have just saved 2 hours.

Now .... the reason for paying such a huge amount of money for oil is so I get the special 'race' stuff, as used by Colin Edwards and Troy Bayliss. It has shaved about 3 minutes off my time to work in the mornings and I've booked in to get a dyno done. I reakon I'm making at least an extra 8 HP.

Oh, just before I go ... Bluedude ... I do feel for ya ...here in the tropics it's ALWAYS 32 farkin degrees .. which does mean we ride all year round and there is no such thing as tyre warmers or warmup laps ..... but it SUCKS trying to change oil with litres of the stuff all over yourself combines with quarts (see ... I can speal American) of sweat in yer eyes ....

Double oh .... you are all cants.

P.S ...Bluedude .... you got a carbon fibre registration holder ... I'll so ya a straight swap for yer oil changing kit.


Legend is offline  
post #8 of 25 (permalink) Old 12-02-2002, 04:41 PM
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 51
Angry hang on a minute.........

Back pedalling a bit here but 'small dicks and bad hair do's' I can go with, 'sad girlfriends, sadder wives' now listen.......watch it or I'll send the boys 'round Perhaps they could change yer oil for you while they're there, ya poof.

Mrs. S

Last edited by Slasher & Co; 12-02-2002 at 04:45 PM.
Slasher & Co is offline  
post #9 of 25 (permalink) Old 12-02-2002, 06:03 PM
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 642
Yeah,

and to Slasher that means the Tar and Feather treatment ....
Blue Catt is offline  
post #10 of 25 (permalink) Old 12-02-2002, 06:03 PM Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 1,330
arf arf

Mrs S, I would hope you would never think I was including you in the remarks above ... you could NEVER be called sad .. you lovely wee thing you xx

I just re-read my last post.

I do believe being banned from a not-to-be-mentioned other forum (cause they are cants) ... has blunted the Legends sword. I think I was actually NICE to Bluedude ?? .... shite ... the end is near.

Right, part two of the oil change saga .. YES, there is more and YES it is all farkin true .... I was nee gonna bother but seein as ya loved it Tuggy here ya go ....

I got the whole idea in my head from seeing Big Phil doing it. Now on to be referred to as Fat Cant. He must have been using mirrors and slight of hand and stuff, cause it all looked so easy, quick and no rags needed ??? .....

The right tools helps for sure ..... but being right in the head is a must, therefore in hindsight I was farked from the get go.

After getting the right tools, I realised I had NOTHING TO DRAIN THE OIL INTO ...... how .. HOW ... did I forget this bit ... oh, yes, now I remember .. back in the lovely land of green called NZ, I never needed to 'drain' oil, cause all the bits-a-shite I've owned came with their own automatic drainers as standard.

No worries, I emptied out the miss's rice container, set to it with a knife, and fark me I'm brilliant .... until the sump plug comes off.

Ya see .... after running about getting all the right tools and shite .... the oil, which I had initially left to cool, was farkin hot ... like the water temp gauge was showing 107 degrees hot ... so there I am, on my back, shirt off, sweat and blood (honest) everywhere, my finger tips are in my farkin mouth cause I was daft enough to grab the plug as it came off ...and it's FARKIN hot .. and lads, used oil tastes like shite !! ........and I watched, in horror, as my wiffy's ex-rice container, started to deform cause of the heat ... and try to spill 3 plus litres (3 quarts bluecant ) over the nice parking area of my lodgings.

You would think this would be enough .... nope.

After getting the filter off, new one on, new oil in ,sump plug on, fairing back together .. it would be over right ? Well, I bought 4 one litre bottles, not one 4 litre bottle .... so in a moment of complete twatiness .... (is THAT a word Mrs S??) I took the melting ex-rice container, which along with it's hot contents had been dumped into my ex-cleaning bucket ...... into the kitchen, and proceeded to pour that farkin stuff into 4 containers .....

Lads ... oil EVERYWHERE .... on the floor, down the sink cupboard doors, through the lounge .... lovely.

Cants.
Legend is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on the Sportbike Forum: Sportbike Motorcycle Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in










Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Linear Mode



Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome