I'm a FARKIN Legend Lads !!! .....
The press conference ..
Tossa: "So, Legend, this is the first time you have been on the podium, will we be seeing more of you do you think"
Legend: " Fark off ya daft cant, ask me a decent question or I'll farkin have you ...."
Tossa: " Um ... cough...splutter ... yes, ah .. Legend ... I noticed your style today and it looked particularly smooth"
Legend: " Ah yes, I'm glad you noticed, and a much better question. Before I start though I would just like to take this moment to thank my sponsors, Yamaha, who put together a great bike for me on the day, Pirelli, who have been working very closely with the team over the season and finally it looks like it's all coming together and of course the rest of the riders cause they rode like cants, and thanks to this I am on the podium"
Tossa: "Legg .. may I call you Legg"
Legend: " Sure .... if you want me to stick that mike up you chocolate starfish ..."
Tossa: " ..Oh .. fark ...oh oh ... right then ..Legg ... um, just one final question then, you seem to have little regard for your fellow riders ..."
Legend: "Right, that's it .. firstly, I'll reply to that, then secondly, I'm gonna pull your ugly bottom lip over your head. I love me fellow riders. They are TOPS. Just a snippet of the weekend in no particular order ...
a. Dastardly finally have a 'moment', but STILL has not put it down the road, giving further hopes to us newbies that speed does not have to come at the expense of the body or bike, and big cred to him for still having a bloody huge smile regardless.
b. Even more cred to Yellow Peril, who, unlike yours truely who rode like a complete geriatric ... the YP put life, limb, and his new baby on the line, and even though not feeling 'right' with the bike from the start ... gave it 'the message'. Yup, he had an off, but by fark you gotta give him credit for it.
c. Trev .... it would be nice to think of him as the old bugga who races with a grab rail and two piece leathers that look like farkin jodpers..... BUT .. in the race prior to his off he put in a 1.14 dead !!! .... serious cred .., but most cred goes to his philosophical thoughts after he had bined the bike .. good on ya dude !!
d. Lens La Belle .. for just showing up even though her man wasnee aboot ... just to get us some pics ... lovely.
And then of course there are the complete fark wanka's that made up the rest of the grid, and again, in no particalar order ...
a. Tweety, where the Fark did he get that name ... we got The Doctor, we got Slasha, we even got Legend ... but why ...WHY ...do we have to have tweety .. ?? ..
b. Slasha .. who was once again the epitomy of a top dog in a club, with no hang ups at all. He was overtaking us slow bugga's with plenty of room for us, he was being nice to the newbies ... shite ... he was even seen to be smiling at breakfast ... WTF is that all about .. oi, Slasha ... be careful bro, your name is a trademark that will be null and void if you keep this up .... have you donated to charity yet ??? .... cant !!
c. BC .... top cant, and no doubt about it. Nuff said. "
Tossa: " Um .. thanks Legend .. um, can I just say I think you are way cool, and me misses would love you to shag her ...so would her sister, and all there friends ...."
Legend: " Fine ya big poof, I'll shag yer misses, but only after I've sorted that daft lip of your .... ooff .. pow .. blam ..kapow !! "
This broadcast has been brought to you from the Living Legend series on BBC World Sport. Tune in tomorrow when The Legend explains how he is able to ride like a god.