Fark me lads .... you heard what happened to Blue Cat and Tugsta !!!
Yup, it's all farkin true, I swear it on my hairy love handles. You may have all notices the two hairless ones have been a bit absent since Sepang ... and here is why ... and don't farkin forget where YOU heard it first ....
The Tugsta ..... shite lads, this is hard to tell ya ... I'm getting a bit teary here ... 'sniff' ... well, after his "Legendary" ride in the first race ... from last to 4th .. a total of about 30 plus overtakes ... his second race left him all a bit flabbergasted .. from 4th to ..... 4th.
In an effort to resolve this he sought professional advice, given the 'Mighty Gixer III' is more than enough of a tool, and he's done the fitness thing .. all that was left was to sort the mind. As the saying goes, racing is 10% bike, 90% attitude (don't ask me who 'they' are ... cause I just made that up).
Well, it turns out his mind is completely farked up, like REALLY bad. The doc he saw immediately called in one of the prominent specialists here in S'pore, and after much heated debate they decided to hell with human rights, and drugged him up. Turns out his thoughts were not human anyway, so there were no moral issues to worry about.
Anyway, this is the misty bit. The Tugsta is currently on his way to the "Boston Institute of Cerebral Irregularities" ... in Boston ... and his brain matter will be examined by the best in the world. God, I know I speak for all the members of our brilliant club when I say with hand on heart, get well soon Tugsta, our thoughts are with you mate...... even if yours are not ….
So, I hear you ask, what of the Blue Cat ??? ..... well, this quite frankly is about as shocking as it gets, and a warning to us all. Take heed men.
After his rather poor showing due to mechanical inefficiencies in the first race, the Cat had the 'spanna man' work his magic ... and come race two he was set to go .... but little did we all suspect, not all was well with the Cat. Ya see ... the bike was fixed ... but the incident left him in a precarious place ..... his mind was about to snap (unlike the Tugsta's that was always farked).... and snap it did .. oh yes sir .. S N A PPP !!!
I blame myself really .. in hindsight these things are always obvious ... he confessed to me after the end of race one .."Ah fark the MotoGP .. all I give a shite about is racing me bike ...". Fark the GP ??? .... Obvious right, I take full responsibility for what happened next...
The Cat got himself back to S'pore .... and sold off one of his kids to a museum in Rome .. something to do with a live sculpture called "Chocolate Fountain and A Kid". Don't worry lads, Mrs Cat is understood to be in-flight to resolve this before the lad hits 18 stone .... but what happened next should have us all concerned .. !!
While the Mrs was gone, he had his other kid dyno'ed....yip...dyno'ed.
Ya see .... he spent it all lads. The house is gone, no more car, savings and life policies .... traded in. He bought a ceramic turbo, running at 21 psi, twin nitro bottles, braced this and lightened that, ported, polished, tweaked and twisted....but it still wasn't enough. In the end the dealers in S'pore wouldn't give him anymore credit for more fast bits .... but 255 hp at the rear was STILL not enough ... he needed more so he could finally, positively, douse the Slasha in the Cats "Curry Fluffs" ... hence .....
The dyno'ed kid.
It turns out he produces about 0.33 % horse power ... while running on a combination of Ribena, Cadbury Crunchies and Anchovy Paste. He also brings the added benefit, that minus nappies he's sure to give the Slasha cause to pause before trying to use the slipstream passing move.
I believe the authorities have the Cat in custody where it's understood he is helping with them with their enquires.
The "Fountain" kid only got to about 16 stone and Mrs Cat will bring him back once he stops climbing walls.
As for the dyno'ed kid. Um .... it ain't so easy removing him as he was installed as a stressed member, but I understand he is at Joes at the moment and the Yoshi pipe has at least been taken out .... ar ... of ... um .. well .. you get the pic.
Farkin scary init !!! .....
So lads, while we love our bikes, and our fledgling track club is becoming a full on race club ... lets try and keep it real out there.
You heard it HERE first .... from none other than YOUR "Legend".
Last edited by Legend; 10-22-2002 at 01:55 AM.