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post #1 of 5 (permalink) Old 08-12-2002, 10:34 PM Thread Starter
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Old testament riders

And so it came to pass that in the days of the Pharoh Harely Davidson, there went through out the land a loud wailing of RPM. The Scribes and Pharisees heard this and were sore afraid. They came beseeching him saying "Oh Lord of Grease and Vibration what art those loud wailings in the Valley of Curves?"

And the Pharoh's heart was saddened for he knew not what the noise might be. He spake to them saying" Fear ye not the noise that harkens from the Valley of Curves." "Tis just the wind blowing thru ape hangers." And all the people heard his word and knew that it was BS.

The Pharoh's heart was harded and he decreed that a large stone be rolled into the entrance to the Valley of Curves so that no man might pass, and that the noise should be locked into the Valley for all to see.

And when the Tribe of Squidds didst come upon the stone they were overcome with wonderment, and didst beseech their leader saying in a voice as loud as 100 "Busa's with unmuffled exhaust, " Oh Skinned Knee of the tribe Layemdown what is this that lies in the entrance to the Canyon?" And Skinned Knee heard this and was a tad pissed because it was a stupid question, and did reply" well I think it's a big boulder that the Pharoh Harley put there." And the Squidds herd this and knew that he was probably right.

And so Skinned Knee was thinking about how to move the boulder and the Lord appeared to him in a burning 200 Metzler, and didst speak unto the Knee in a voice as loud as 600 Harley's with fishtail exhausts saying " Oh yea of little faith do your scooters not wax strong in horsepower? Art there not multitudes among you? " And this gave the "Knee" an idea. He summoned his mechanics and spake unto them saying" Hey we need this rock moved!" "Let's pull it outa the way DUDES!" And the mechanics heard this and knew that it was good.
So they attached long chains made from pieces of Harley chains that littered the roads. After there was a great multitude of chains attached to the boulder, 46 of the best Sport Bikes were hooked up to the boulder.
And there went throughout the land a loud wailing of 4 cyclinder engines and a cloud of tire smoke 1000 cubits by 3000 cubits and didst foul the air in the Pyramid of the wicked Pharoh Harely Davidson. And the smoke didst smite out the sun and there rained pieces of Z rated tires down amongst the Davidsonites. And there went throughtout the city a loud wailing and gnashing of teeth. And his subjects saw and heard these things and were sore afraid! And they beseeched the Pharoh to let the Squidds go. But the Pharoh's heart was hardended and he refused to move the rock.
And so the Knee didst journey into the City of Davidson. He traveled 40 days and 40 nights on foot. When he got to the city he was mocked by BMW driving Harley weekend warriors saying " Oh yea of technology, handling and speed, where is thy scooter now?" And they didst mock him and throw used Harley crankcase oil on him and didst smite him asunder with shop repair order numbers. But Knee spoke to them saying "I request and audience with the Pharoh. " And so after they all got tired of mocking him and getting oil on their new wrinkle free Harely stamped chaps and leathers to him "We will take you to the Pharoh." And so Knee was led unto a large hall in the great Pyramid of Repair. And spoke to the Pharoh saying "Why hast thou blocked the road to the Valley of Curves?" And the Pharoh spoke to him in a voice as loud as AMF 250 saying "thy buzzing doest distract my subjects. They ask me questions I can't answer." Their ears art spoiled with the sound of much smoothness and RPMs! "
And Knee didst beseech the Pharoh saying "Please move the friggin rock!" And the Pharoh's heart was hardened. And he would not move the rock. And so it came to pass that Knee didst journey back unto the Valley of Curves. And he didst say a prayer unto the Lord asking him to move the rock. And so the Lord spoke to the Knee telling him to go back into the city and take some spray paint and mark the doors of all the Yuppie Harley Bikers but not to mark the old riders who did wave to other riders and all the real Harley Bikers who have been riding for a long time.
And Knee hear this as was kinda bent because he just finished walking back from the city and now he had to do it all again! But he complained not and didst gather forth a multitude of flourescent red spray paint and went forth unto the city.
And so it came to pass that an Angel of the Lord didst come like a "Busa in the night!" and did smote the Yuppies down. And their bikes didst crumble to dust before them and they became barren and they became sexually disfunctional.
And the Pharoh heard of this and was perplexed. He didst issue a decree and several of his preist of oil and parts did go forth and move the boulder. This task took them 6 fortnights and lots of Coors.
When the Tribe of Squidds didst see this there was much drinking and merriment in the camps that night. And much celebration and rock music didst echo throughout the land for all to hear. And there was a loud wailing and gnashing of transmissions and the rear tires were smote with huge amounts of torque and horsepower. And the Squidds didst ride through the Valley of Curves for the rest of their days. And they didst become friends with the older and real bikers of the Davidsonites. And the Pharoh got a GSX 1000!

#2 Scribe for the Squidds.
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post #2 of 5 (permalink) Old 08-12-2002, 11:00 PM
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You failed to mention that when Moses brought the tablets down from the mountain, one of the tablets read: "no squids allowed".

Later on there was a Great Flood. The squids failed to follow the Word of the Lord. All the squids drowned. So did all the folks working for insurance companies. The squids' bikes were piled up and the Isrealites used them as a burnt offering to God. It didn't work too well, because the burning tires smelled real bad.


"...If you can meet with triumph and disaster, and treat those two imposters the same....you'll be a Man, my Son!"

- Rudyard Kipling
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post #3 of 5 (permalink) Old 08-14-2002, 09:06 AM
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Hey, I was doing a family history and I just discovered I have a direct link to the tribe of Squidd!.......That could explain alot!
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post #4 of 5 (permalink) Old 08-14-2002, 11:26 AM
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Originally posted by BanditBoy
Hey, I was doing a family history and I just discovered I have a direct link to the tribe of Squidd!.......That could explain alot!
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post #5 of 5 (permalink) Old 08-16-2002, 09:53 AM
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Perhaps we need a Squidd family reunion!
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